I recently posted this comment as my facebook status:
Katie wishes she could find a realistic picture of the Nativity - what's all this with Mary being composed? She just had a baby!
Someone responded with this article about Mary maintaining her virginity through the birth of the Christ. I respected what was said in the article on behalf of the Church, and if this were the Church's official position, then I would obey. But it's far from official. And I have a beef with the idea that the baby Jesus simply slid out of the Virgin Mother, or, even more appalling, that He just appeared.
Now I love Mary. And the part of her I am most drawn to is her physical motherhood. She has been a great source of inspiration for women as mothers these 2000 years. There's something inside me that feels my respect for her (or perhaps more rightly, my connection to her) would lessen if I had to believe she did not feel anything in labor. Many are quick to point out that the pains of labor are a direct result of the Fall (see Genesis 2), and Mary, being conceived without original sin, would not have felt the consequences of the Fall. Let me assure you, I am ALL ABOUT the Immaculate Conception. Couldn't be a bigger fan. But what Genesis really says is that the pangs of labor will be INTENSIFIED as a result of the Fall, which means God created labor with a certain amount of intensity and pain.
I brought this up with my friend who works as a doula, and has three children of her own. She related to me that the reason birth can be so difficult is almost solely because of fear. When a woman is scared (of unfamiliar surroundings, of her own inadequacy as a mother), her abdomen muscles tighten and it's far more painful to push the baby out. It was when my friend surrendered and completely trusted God in the birthing process that it suddenly became easier. Not painless, but easier.
I think that holiness is attained through choosing the will of God during suffering, rather than not suffering at all. Mary SUFFERED. At the cross, her heart was pierced with a sword as she held the body of her son. So why would God give her a free pass on labor when He would later cause her to feel the deepest grief? I believe that Mary felt pain during labor, but CHOSE to trust God through the pain. She had no fear. She embraced the pains of childbirth because she knew it to be the will of God. It was notably easier for her to do so because she was free of original sin, and therefore free from the doubts and fears that we all face (thanks to another friend for pointing this out). If you picture original sin as a veil we all wear that keeps us from seeing the will of God clearly, then Mary had no such veil but looked on God with love at all times.
So ok, I think it's safe to say that Mary had an easier time in childbirth than any other woman. Yet I think I will always be comforted by believing that Mary went through the same life-changing experience that all mothers do; that she held her naked baby seconds after He came out of her womb, all covered in blood and fluids and oh so purple, and loved Him more than any mother has loved her child.
Isn't Advent just a wonderful season?
4 comments:
Hello, Katie, and for anyone else that might be reading this, I am the person who posted the article that prompted this post.
If it seemed like I was trying to "correct" you by sending that link, then I apologize, because I wasn't. Sometimes when I write things on other people's Facebook pages I strongly believe in what I am writing. Other times, though, I just throw a point out there because I think it is an interesting perspective and I am just curious to see how the other person would respond to it. This was definitely an example of the second case.
And how you responded to it--I agree with just about every word of it and literally couldn't have said it better myself. I literally couldn't have, because unlike you, there is no possible way that I will ever fully know either the joys or the pains of carrying and giving birth to a child.
I think it's significant that both myself and the writer of that article are men, and that in the search where I found that article, I also saw another blog post by a woman who expressed much the same view that you just did.
I could be misunderstanding, but it sounds like for both of you, it's important to think that even Mary essentially had to go through the same things during childbirth that all other women do, and it helps you to identify with her more fully as a role model.
But for men, it is different. We don't want to see the women we love suffer any more than is absolutely necessary. This includes our Blessed Mother, our own mothers and sisters, our sisters in Christ that we may meet at various points in our lives and become good friends with, and the one woman we eventually marry. So for us, the idea that there might be at least one woman out there who didn't have to suffer during childbirth is a rather attractive idea. And believe me, if it was in our power to make childbirth completely painless for everyone, I think most men, except maybe for the most sadistic misogynists, would do so without hesitation.
And yet--there is the small fact that, for whatever reason, it is not God's will that we should be allowed to do this for you, and it is not His will to do it Himself either. Maybe you can understand that, or even come to appreciate it. I know I can't. All I can do is say thank you, and do whatever I can to support you (I'm talking about women as a group here, not you personally.) If that includes believing that Mary suffered at least somewhat during childbirth, then that's the least I can do.
Another reason you'll never find a 'realistic' picture of the Nativity: we compress the narrative down into a single moment and screw up the chronology. You can have Mary and Joseph and the baby and the shepherds and animals, but you can't include the Magi. They came weeks if not months later.
As for relating to her better if she did experience pain in childbirth, think of the empathetic fun you'll have if you see her as being as sinful as the rest of humanity! I say this (mostly) in jest; discussions of the Immaculate Conception, perpetual virginity, Assumption, and role as co-mediatrix are bound to end in disagreement between Lutherans and Roman Catholics.
But we do agree that choosing the will of God in the face of suffering is to be admired and emulated, as when Christ prayed in Gethsemane "if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done". Indeed, perhaps following the will of God necessarily involves some level of suffering in this sinful world: Paul was shipwrecked three times, Stephen stoned, and Barnabas jailed.
Yeah, sorry Dave, you're not going to budge me on Immaculate Conception. Why would the Father choose any old sinful person to carry His precious Son? Mary is the new Ark of the Covenant. And though we believe she was conceived without sin, that doesn't mean she didn't make mistakes (important distinction between sin and mistakes). The Feast of the Immaculate Conception is coming up in a few weeks, if you'd like to hear a rock awesome sermon on it. :-)
Oh, and I totally agree on the Magi thing. Hello, 12 Days of Christmas?
Yes, the 12 days of Christmas is pretty much the reason for my attitude towards Christmas music.
Before Thanksgiving: "Can't they at least wait until the first Sunday of Advent?"
After the first Sunday of Advent: "Can't they at least wait until the third Sunday of Advent?"
After the third Sunday of Advent: "Can't they wait until December 23rd?"
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