Tonight, like many other nights, I find myself alone in my house. Sometimes I choose the solitude, sometimes I don't. On the evenings when the seclusion is involuntary, loneliness isn't far behind.
I wouldn't say that I'm a people person. I'm certainly an introvert. Yet I'm also an avid observer, and with nothing to observe... I guess you could say that I lose my greatest source of entertainment! I enjoy - nay, I need - to live with other people. Home is my center; it is where I like to spend my time, no matter what my home looks like (I've had 6 in the past 6 years). So an empty home is just immensely sad to me.
I brought this to my spiritual director last year, and he told me that loneliness isn't something that depends upon how many people are in your life. My life won't be miraculously cured of loneliness when I start dating, get married, or have a house full of kids. It is a reality of life. He said to me, "A priest can have a wonderful time celebrating a Christmas Eve mass with his parish, but he has to go home to the rectory and no one is waiting for him."
Talk about a little perspective. The men who guide us in our faith face a far deeper loneliness than I can comprehend. Their sole consolation is the company of Jesus Christ, as it should be for us all. And quite frankly, how can one compare the company of humans, who fail and are imperfect, with the company of our steadfast and perfect Lord?
Now when I feel loneliness nipping at the edges of my heart, I rejoice, for it drives me into the arms of Christ. It is a reminder that Jesus is always with me, wherever I am, and He alone can satisfy the longing for love in my heart.
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