Bored at Work

The new web site is still in development, which means our archival project is on hold. There's still work to be done, but very little impetus for any of us. I stumbled across some new blogs I might like, so I thought I'd share.

Beauty That Moves

Little Bit of Life

I daresay knowing the blogs I like tells you more about me than if I were to write about myself, doesn't it?

Studs Terkel is My New Hero

Studs Terkel caught my attention in 2008, when NPR replayed some of his recordings on the occasion of his death. He was a radio man, and specially known for his stumble into oral history by talking to common Americans. I myself have been formulating plans for an oral history project of my own, so I requested some of Terkel's recordings from the library.

As an aside, I'm going to start linking to things through WorldCat (a worldwide online catalogue that links thousands of libraries together). I'm poor, so I rarely buy things from Amazon, and patronizing your local library is a fantastic thing to do.

Voices of Our Time came in and WOW. This is a landmark collection (6 discs) of Terkel's favorite interviews with notable people, spanning four decades. It begins in the 1950s, and I've only listened so far as the 1960s. The people to whom Terkel talks are fascinating in every sense of the word. These guests are well spoken, thoughtful, and very enjoyable to listen to. It's a breath of fresh air for someone to actually say something when he or she talks. Our days are filled with words and speech, but so little is communicated.

These interviews give me the idea that people talked with more purpose 60 years ago. This is probably overly nostalgic - "people just don't talk like they used to" and all that with a sad shake of the head. There's got to be some truth to that, though. With facebook, twitter, and (ahem) blogs, everyone feels the need to have their voice heard. We just don't think about what we say or how we say it before it comes out. I think this is something that's been lost, and I want to find out how to regain it, in myself and in the world around me.

Yes yes yes, I'm back

Indeed, I've felt moved to rejoin the blogosphere after almost a year away. I'm not promising I have anything new to say, but having gotten my life somewhat under control (under God's control, that is), I'm excited to share things here.

As the sidebar mentions, I'm now a soon-to-be librarian, where soon = 2 years, so expect quite a bit of book talk here from now on. I've also become a more confident crafter (with the tools and set up to boot), so I'll be posting some original creations/innovations for kid crafts. And as always, a bit of spiritual musing.

Oh! Also postings! With my work at WPR'S To the Best of Our Knowledge, I'm always coming across cool stuff online. In the meantime, you should satisfy your thirst for the good, true, and beautiful with these ladies:
Like Mother, Like Daughter
Small Things
SouleMama (yes, I've posted her before. Love her pictures.)

Joy in Loneliness

Tonight, like many other nights, I find myself alone in my house. Sometimes I choose the solitude, sometimes I don't. On the evenings when the seclusion is involuntary, loneliness isn't far behind.

I wouldn't say that I'm a people person. I'm certainly an introvert. Yet I'm also an avid observer, and with nothing to observe... I guess you could say that I lose my greatest source of entertainment! I enjoy - nay, I need - to live with other people. Home is my center; it is where I like to spend my time, no matter what my home looks like (I've had 6 in the past 6 years). So an empty home is just immensely sad to me.

I brought this to my spiritual director last year, and he told me that loneliness isn't something that depends upon how many people are in your life. My life won't be miraculously cured of loneliness when I start dating, get married, or have a house full of kids. It is a reality of life. He said to me, "A priest can have a wonderful time celebrating a Christmas Eve mass with his parish, but he has to go home to the rectory and no one is waiting for him."

Talk about a little perspective. The men who guide us in our faith face a far deeper loneliness than I can comprehend. Their sole consolation is the company of Jesus Christ, as it should be for us all. And quite frankly, how can one compare the company of humans, who fail and are imperfect, with the company of our steadfast and perfect Lord?

Now when I feel loneliness nipping at the edges of my heart, I rejoice, for it drives me into the arms of Christ. It is a reminder that Jesus is always with me, wherever I am, and He alone can satisfy the longing for love in my heart.

Thirst Quenchers

Hello again! I've been feeling the itch of getting back in this space for some time, then realized that I'll never have a perfect "prodigal" post (how's that for alliteration?), and should just dive back in!

Since the tagline for this blog is "drinking in books, music, life, and God", I would like to share some of my discoveries with you.

Music
It has been an exciting couple months for "girl music", as a certain 3 year old calls it. In September, I was turned on to the music of Elizabeth Mitchell. To put her into a genre seems like a crime, but she writes and performs mainly children's music. It's the lovely blend of folk and contemporary that makes me want to lie in the grass and watch clouds go by for hours, in love with the beauty of our world. Very peaceful.


In the last month, The Wailin' Jennys have been on repeat. Similar to Elizabeth Mitchell, they're folky, guitar-based, a little bluegrass, a little pop-y. It's a group of three women who harmonize on all songs. I wouldn't say their music is groundbreaking, but it's comforting and so lovely. I'm trying to commit some of their songs to memory as part of my kiddo repertoire - you can seriously entertain some kids by busting out a song every once in a while.



Books
If you're a fan of older-child chapter books (the title "Young Adult" doesn't quite fit here), especially those with a touch of fantasy, check out The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place: The Mysterious Howling. Set in Dickensian England (-ish), we begin with young Penelope Lumley, recent graduate of the Swanburn Academy for Poor Bright Females, as she is hired on to govern three ferule children found in the woods. Ahead of her is the challenge to get them to behave like proper children, with lofty intentions of teaching them Latin verbs. Two words: LOVED IT!


For the young child in all of us comes Bunny Days. I can't recommend this book highly enough. All the children to whom I've read it have LOVED it. Beautiful, simple illustrations, sparse narration, slightly silly humor - this book's got it all! Seriously, just check it out.

I'll be back soon with more depth later. For now, it's just good to be back!

Taking a Break

As of tonight, December 26 2009, I am taking a leave of absence from the blogosphere for an undetermined length of time. God has put it on my heart to simplify my life in terms of the amount of both media input and media output. The internet is a dangerous place to say things, partially because you don't know who's reading, but more importantly (I think) because it's a faceless medium with no consequences. By this, I mean to say that one feels liberated to say things online which one would never dream of saying in person, and is therefore unhealthy and unbalanced.

I keep this blog largely because I like having my little soapbox on the internet. While I am grateful for those of you who do read what I write, I must always be mindful of my intentions with this tool. Right now, it exists for selfish reasons. It has become an outlet for feelings and frustrations that belong in prayer alone. (You may not feel that way, but you must believe this is the reality of my internal struggle.) Also, I think blogs are best put to use when they are a medium for sharing passions, and my passion has become... parenting. Yet I find myself in the strange predicament of not actually being qualified to talk about my passion. With all these ideas, struggles, and emotions whirling around in my soul, I know that I must turn from my computer to simple pen and paper, and from the faceless internet to me-and-Jesus time.

Simply put? I'm at a huge emotional transition in my life, and the last thing I should be doing is talking about things online which I have very little business talking about. There's so much GOOD content out there, and I don't feel like I'm contributing to that. So with that, I take my leave. I'm not sure when I'll be back, but I hope God will lead me back soon. In the meantime, here are some of the blogs I idolize and love:

Soule Mama

Conversion Diary

Betty Duffy

Sorta Crunchy

Holy Experience

Ta-ta and God Bless,
Katie

A Childish Confession

I do have a confession for the world. And here it is: I have tantrums.

Two clarifications: 1) Yes, I am a fully functional adult and 2) Not the kicking and screaming kind of tantrum. I was just reading a bit of What to Expect the Toddler Years (the third in a series of go-to parenting books, for those not in the know), particularly a little sidebar about how tantrums are not just for kids. And it hit me that, in fact, I am one of those adults who sometimes cannot handle her emotions. Usually frustration. A lot of people have outburst when they are angry, yes. I just mean to say that I KNOW I'm one of them.

Examples, you ask? But of course. Just last week I accidentally left my purse at a bridal shower located an hour away, and didn't realize it until I had gotten home. Upon facing the prospect of driving another two hours that night, I started crying in frustration and desperation. Friends try to work through my problems like this with me, bless their hearts, but there are many times when I just have to have it out. I recall another time a couple years ago when it was my responsibility to get balloons for a roommate's birthday. Walgreens didn't have any. I looked and looked on campus and there were simply no balloons to be had. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. To me, it was a big deal. I cried about that too, venting my frustrations to another roommate.

I've cried over bad grades in college classes. I've thrown my phone against a wall because my reception was poor. Don't even ask me to describe what shopping for clothes is like.

I have tantrums in my own little way. And this one little breakthrough is helping to open my eyes to the plights of toddlers. Small things can be a big deal, no matter how old a person is. In those cases, you never want to belittle the upsetting thing, but react with empathy. Try to understand the frustration of wanting something, and just not being able to get it or have it happen. We all have to learn to deal with these strong emotions. Some of us take longer to master that skill, and that's ok. I turned out alright.

Virginity in Birth

I recently posted this comment as my facebook status:

Katie wishes she could find a realistic picture of the Nativity - what's all this with Mary being composed? She just had a baby!

Someone responded with this article about Mary maintaining her virginity through the birth of the Christ. I respected what was said in the article on behalf of the Church, and if this were the Church's official position, then I would obey. But it's far from official. And I have a beef with the idea that the baby Jesus simply slid out of the Virgin Mother, or, even more appalling, that He just appeared.

Now I love Mary. And the part of her I am most drawn to is her physical motherhood. She has been a great source of inspiration for women as mothers these 2000 years. There's something inside me that feels my respect for her (or perhaps more rightly, my connection to her) would lessen if I had to believe she did not feel anything in labor. Many are quick to point out that the pains of labor are a direct result of the Fall (see Genesis 2), and Mary, being conceived without original sin, would not have felt the consequences of the Fall. Let me assure you, I am ALL ABOUT the Immaculate Conception. Couldn't be a bigger fan. But what Genesis really says is that the pangs of labor will be INTENSIFIED as a result of the Fall, which means God created labor with a certain amount of intensity and pain.

I brought this up with my friend who works as a doula, and has three children of her own. She related to me that the reason birth can be so difficult is almost solely because of fear. When a woman is scared (of unfamiliar surroundings, of her own inadequacy as a mother), her abdomen muscles tighten and it's far more painful to push the baby out. It was when my friend surrendered and completely trusted God in the birthing process that it suddenly became easier. Not painless, but easier.

I think that holiness is attained through choosing the will of God during suffering, rather than not suffering at all. Mary SUFFERED. At the cross, her heart was pierced with a sword as she held the body of her son. So why would God give her a free pass on labor when He would later cause her to feel the deepest grief? I believe that Mary felt pain during labor, but CHOSE to trust God through the pain. She had no fear. She embraced the pains of childbirth because she knew it to be the will of God. It was notably easier for her to do so because she was free of original sin, and therefore free from the doubts and fears that we all face (thanks to another friend for pointing this out). If you picture original sin as a veil we all wear that keeps us from seeing the will of God clearly, then Mary had no such veil but looked on God with love at all times.

So ok, I think it's safe to say that Mary had an easier time in childbirth than any other woman. Yet I think I will always be comforted by believing that Mary went through the same life-changing experience that all mothers do; that she held her naked baby seconds after He came out of her womb, all covered in blood and fluids and oh so purple, and loved Him more than any mother has loved her child.

Isn't Advent just a wonderful season?

The Depth of Our Fall, and the Weight of it All

Note: I apologize to those who read the first draft of this. I concluded that it was terribly uninsightful, and rewrote the second half to better reflect what was the dominant lesson I drew from this experience.

The story of my Halloween is long and complicated. The evening was spent enjoying the party we (my roommates and myself) hosted at our condo, then a bit of meandering around State Street without actually paying to get into Freakfest. However, when I returned home thinking only of my bed's warm blankets and pillows that smell like me, I found people still there. When I left 30 minutes prior, everyone at the party had left, either for home or the bar near our house. I locked the front door. These people, upon finding the door locked, logically went to our BACK DOOR. Sketchy. (Though to clarify, they had been at the party earlier that evening.) I wasn't about to go to bed while there were people I didn't know in my house, so I stayed up, cleaned up, and read blogs until 3:30am, when the others returned from the bar. By that time, I felt so... heavy with the sin of this fallen world, listening to many drunk and sober people talk about how smashed they were, how much they hated so-and-so, or how they had failed to score a one-night stand at their last party. You get the idea. After having 4 hours of this kind of input, I curled up in bed and just cried, because I felt "the depth of our fall and the weight of it all", as David Crowder says.

On Sunday morning, I listened to an illuminating sermon by Rob Bell at Mars Hill Bible Church (check out the link on my sidebar) about the beatitude, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they shall be filled." His thesis was just what I needed to hear after feeling our separation from God so distinctly the night before: God is on the side of those who feel the difference between the way things are and the way they should be, and long with every fiber of their being for a change. Essentially, God is with us in the struggle and the tension of knowing that things are not as they should be, that we were not made for this. We were made for so much more, we were made for communion with our Creator!!! We were made to adore Him in Heaven, yet we go through our lives causing Him pain as disobedient children pain their parents. We make bad decisions because we often only consider what WE want rather than what HE wants for us (and always makes us infinitely happier). We get drunk, we use His name as a curse, we get involved in gangs, we fall in and out of sexual relationships. How much it must tear our Father apart to see us destroy ourselves and each other. I cry for my brothers and sisters, that they have turned away from God in order to do what they want to do. On the night of Halloween, I felt this pain as I have never felt it before, because, quite frankly, I am not usually in the company of those who have turned away from God in their actions. Seeing this other side of my generation (the side on which I grew up, btw) made me long for the Kingdom of Heaven to be established on earth. The young men and women my own age who seemed so unhappy with their life at 3am on Halloween were created by the same God who created John Paul the Great, Blessed Theresa of Calcutta, St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinus, St. Therese of Lisieux - all the holy men and women whom we celebrated the following morning, All Saint's Day.

Because we were given a choice, there will always be people who turn away from God and His will in their lives. There will always be a separation between what we were created for, and what we are doing now. That doesn't mean I have to like it.

The Phone Saga and so much more

Too many of my friends have been subjected to my rants about losing my cell phone. It's been two days since I last saw my precious, well and at my side. I hate that something so out of my control is controlling my emotions and frame of mind. I hate that I'm letting a silly piece of plastic and computer chips get to me, but I am.

Also, I'm convinced Satan stole my cell phone.

I started preparing for a deeply spiritual ...thing... that I am going to lead in a couple weeks. Quite out of nowhere a week ago, my happy joyful moods disappeared. I was short with the kids. I was cranky and ornery, and saw everything as bad things happening to me. I lost all passion for nannying, or even my future. It was as if a raincloud was following me around. Then I realized, 'hey, I've got this really intense thing coming up where lives might be turned back to God. I bet Satan really hates this.'

I had completely forgotten that I would be spiritually attacked.

The spiritual war for souls rages on, after all. I know you might not be into that kind of thinking, but pretend as if you were. Demons are battling for your soul all your life. Read C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters if you're interested. I think that demons are sort of the opposite of your conscience. They usually tempt me in the way of desires, things I want to do or eat RIGHT NOW. There's also the feelings of loneliness, apathy, anger, anxiety - all of the things OPPOSITE to the Fruits of the Holy Spirit. Let me show you.

Fruit............Temptation
Love.............Indifference
Joy..............Despair
Peace............Anxiety
Patience.........Short temper
Kindness.........Cruelty
Goodness.........Evil
Faithfulness.....Inconstancy
Self-control.....Self-Indulgence

I learned early on that, as a gauge for every situation, if the Fruits were not present, the Spirit wasn't there. And I don't want to be in any situation where the Spirit doesn't have my back. Anything that causes us to feel the temptations, the antipathies of the Fruits, and moreover anything that leads us to SIN, is not from God. God may try us, and He may ask us to carry a cross, but He would never lead us into sin. So, logically, if these bad feelings don't come from God, where do they come from?

That's why I believe in spiritual combat. Because there are some times like last week, when I went from soaking up life and God's presence in my life, and LOVING what I was doing, to feeling no love for the children and filled with grumbling grumpiness. For no reason. None at all.

Satan doesn't like me right now, because I'm working on something that will surely take souls away from his grasp. So he planted grumpy thoughts in my head. And sucked all the joy out of my soul. And now he stole my phone, which is adding plenty of anxiety to my life.

So I'm fighting back with prayer. It's much more of a struggle to choose to be joyful when I'm not filled with the natural joy of life. That was a great blessing while God allowed me to feel it. But now He wants me to prove that I can stick by Him when life isn't easy. I don't pretend to know why God allows Satan to attack people. I do know that I want to follow God wherever He leads me, because I trust in Him. I trust that this is not the end, that I can endure anything with His help in order to be with Him in heaven.

And what's a cell phone compared with that?

Shadows by David Crowder Band

Life is full of light and shadow
Oh the joy! And oh the sorrow. Oh the sorrow.
Yet will He bring dark to light.
Yet will He bring day from night.

When shadows fall on us,
We will not fear, we will remember.
When darkness falls on us,
We will not fear, we will remember.
When all seems lost,
And we're thrown and we're tossed,
We'll remember the cost:
We're resting in the shadow of the cross.

This song and these lyrics are just rocking me right now. To some, it appears that the lyrics don't actually say much that we didn't already know. Ok, so we're resting in the shadow of the cross... I guess so.

But I interpret something deeper. When life IS full of more shadows than light, struggles that seem to be hopeless and the sin of this world crushing us, we must not despair. We will NOT fear! We must remember that Jesus told His disciples that, if they wanted to follow Him, they would have to follow Him to the cross. The cross is our inheritance. It brings us eternal life, but it also brings struggles and shadows. The most beautiful thing about the cross to me is that, while it represents the greatest suffering, it is also the blessed vehicle of our salvation. This is why we Catholics cross ourselves, to remind us of our inheritance, both joy and sorrow. This is why we wear cross necklaces, to keep this great mystery close to our hearts. This is why we kneel before the cross on Good Friday in veneration.

I take such joy in this song. Yes, it is about the darkness in life, but there is no darkness too great for Jesus. The most beautiful darkness comes from the shadow of the cross.

Must See!!!

First, a marriage of two of my loves:





Second, a lovely, lovely surprise that makes me sooooo excited! I apologize for the horror movie trailer at the beginning, and open it up to fullscreen; my format cuts half of it off.

Simple Joy

I'm not sure that many of you know this, but I am ridiculously happy right now. God has given me such joy that I sometimes can't remember life not being this good, all the time. Well, more correctly, it probably has been, and I've been too blind to see it.

Sure, I'm making very little money. Sure, I don't see people my own age very much. Sure, I actually only work about 20 hours a week right now, anybody would be happy with that.

I LOVE being a nanny. I have truly grown to love these children (from several families), and they teach me so much about how to love. I really enjoy being with these kids in their home, and also working with their parents. It saddens me to think that I really won't be able to nanny after starting my own family. There are some hard days, but I never leave thinking about how horrible of a day it was. I just think about how I get another try tomorrow. I'm not going to run off and work for a daycare - I don't think I'm cut out for it - or become an elementary ed teacher. I like the one-on-one and knowing the family dynamic. I'm learning so much right now. I'm not worried about the future, because I can feel deep in my soul that THIS is where God wants me, and that's all that matters.

Three Things For Which I'm Grateful to No Longer be a Toddler

1) Can you imagine what kind of chaos would exist in our world if God didn't design us to have full control of our bladder and bowels by the age of 4? I'm grateful that I learned this essential skill, and that my life does not demand that a bathroom be close at hand. (This is my favorite story: according to my mother, I potty-trained ridiculously early because I hated to have wet clothes touching me.)

2) Kids are beasts when they are overtired. Especially with infants, it's such a pathetic (in the best sense of the word) thing to witness when a baby is so tired, she cries and can't get to sleep. Infrequent insomnia aside, I'm grateful that I don't just sit down and cry when I'm overly tired. College would have been a disaster.

3) Those poor little toddlers, spouting perfectly enunciated gibberish that only falls on foreign, grown-up ears. It's got to be so frustrating for little Andy when, to his ears, he calmly asks for more bunny crackers, and I look at him with big eyes, saying, "I'm sorry, honey, I just don't understand you." No wonder 2 year olds throw so many tantrums. It would be like me moving to Hungary with a Hungarian phrasebook only to have all the townspeople, with pity on their faces, reply, "I am sorry, I cannot understand you" in English. How maddening!

Being with children is the most useful and enlightening education I've ever had the pleasure of receiving.

4 Reviews in 400 Words

Back in my reviewing days (ahem, Junior Movie Reviewer for the Eau Claire Leader Telegram), the word limit was 400. Now I’m going to attempt four reviews into the same 400 words. Ready, set, GO!

Julie & Julia

I may have appreciated this more because I read Julie Powell’s account. She and her husband were, for the most part, accurately portrayed, and of course Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci were a pleasure to watch. Nothing new said there. Also unoriginally, the movie made me hungry. But it was a movie about writing as well as cooking: Julia Child painstakingly rewriting Mastering the Art of French Cooking, and Julie Powell discovering fame through blog writing. Perhaps an autobiographical movie featuring Child would have been as heartwarming, but the juxtaposition of the two life stories was a refreshing storytelling format.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

As I mentioned, I ended up not being impressed by this book. In fact, I dreaded returning to it every day. I should have known that my unabashed love for the original would keep me from enjoying an alteration. I also don’t like zombie movies, so that should have tipped me off. Grahame-Smith kept changing details which didn’t need to be changed and making obvious things that were better left unsaid. While I value the concept and applaud his ingenuity, I feel like a better version would be one in which Austen’s intent and themes remained unchanged, just with zombies.

Glee – Episode 2

This show so close to my heart DID improve after the pilot! I thought the characters more tempered, but still outlandish enough to make me laugh out loud (the cheerleading coach is hysterical). I can’t pretend to be ok with their message about sex – desires should not be suppressed, but contracepted. I’m intrigued by the main cheerleader (aka cheer-io), because she’s clearly Catholic and serious about faith. It’s usually the born-again characters who are serious. She also has the all-too-understandable motive of getting her boyfriend back. The music was awesome, especially a cover of Golddigger. I want more of that!

Marie Antoinette

This retelling of the Cake-Eater’s life directed by Sofia Coppolla totally succeeds! Everything is period (except the music), and therefore beautiful to watch. Kirsten Dunst is absolutely perfect as the naïve princess who prefers the simple life, but “parties like a rock star” when she can’t get Louis to do his duty as a husband. The film movies slowly, but Coppolla establishes monotony and repetition amidst the splendor of Versailles, making the final 15 minutes extremely powerful. Marie and Louis eat their dinner with the deafening roar of an angry mob outside, and lit be torch light. I recommend it.

Litany of Humility

I must apologize for #6 in the last post. I kept ruminating on it long after I had shut my computer down for the night, thinking things like, "man, when I have kids, it's going to be even more impossible to get things done!"

And I stopped with my toothbrush hanging out of my mouth as the voice of the Holy Spirit (also known as the conscience) asked, in a wry tone: "What is wrong with you?"

"When you have children, is the most important thing really going to be keeping on track with projects?" He continued. "Or reading everything you would like to? And really, are things so different now?"

The Spirit made me turn around and look into the mirror to see my ugly selfishness. This has been a major struggle in the last few months. I became aware of my selfish streak just before graduating college. The last four years have been a veritable "me" frenzy; students are naturally disposed to focus on their studies, life decisions, etc. You have to be focused on yourself to a certain extent in order to do well in class. Otherwise you'd be running off to the slums of a major city to help the poor (as Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati did). Maybe that's the better option. For those of us who stick it out, it's a great 4+ year experience that can teach you very bad habits.

God wanted this year to be about me giving of myself in order to understand love - real love. The self-sacrificial love that is necessary in the care of children and honestly deserved by all adults. Somehow I had forgotten about that in the summer months. Being desperately unemployed probably didn't help. Somehow I slipped back into my ugly habits. I wasn't interested in how other people were doing, but desired to be filled and loved by them. I wasn't volunteering my time to help people out, but doing it to boost my resume. I wasn't engaging with the children I cared for and taught, but studying how it made me feel, whether I was called to be a teacher or a mother or whatever. In this whole vocational not-quite-crisis, I had forgotten one of the biggest Vocational requirements of all.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

I was showing way more love to myself than my neighbors. Even my dearest friends were being robbed of the love they deserve from me. On that night, with the toothpaste still in my mouth, I sat down on the toilet seat and observed that I wouldn't much like being my friend right now. Because no matter what we do in life - sister, priest, mother, father - we are to put others first, as Christ showed us on the cross. There is no excuse. We must, if we are to call ourselves Christians. Not just put others first when it's convenient, but all the time. Especially when it's not convenient. My personal goals and aspirations are nothing in the end; when I stand before the Trinity and am laid bare at the end of time, I won't be worrying about not finishing a beanbag nativity set or not reading Augustine's Confessions. I'll be thinking back on all the times in my life when I failed to show love to another soul.

This prayer has done more for me than any other, particularly when I'm struggling with selfishness and pride. If you pray it on a regular basis, I promise you will be changed.

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…
Amen.

7 Quick Takes Saturday

Jen at Conversion Diary has this format for Fridays, but I really like it. It's good when one has lots of different things to write about, but not a whole post worth of any one thing.

#1

This week marked the beginning of my year at St. Ambrose Academy. I'm in two classrooms, both middle school English. There are kids from grades 6-8 in both classes, because they are separated by their math ability (typical, putting math first). What a crazy experience to be back in grade school after all these years! I had a great time observing my two "CT"s and getting the feel for their different teaching styles. One is very regimented, and the other is more prone to let conversation go where it will. I'm not sure which one suits me better; I wrote before about how I have to have things planned out, but I'm usually one to follow my flights of fancy (to an obsessive degree...). A little bit of both, perhaps :-).

#2

I spent the last three days surrounded by lots of middle-aged and elderly ladies wearing capris and tennis shoes, and discussing the benefits of long arm over conventional sewing machines. That's right, I volunteered at Quilt Expo 2009. All in my plot to insert myself into the world of Wisconsin Public Television, which hosted the event. I would have been much more interested if other crafting things were given some attention, but alas, there were no cross-stitch booths to be found. Don't get me wrong, the quilts on exhibition were amazing, and it's a great hobby to have. I just can't sense any desire to do it. I like garment and craft sewing right now. I DID come home with the cutest little bunch of raw wool dyed purple that you ever did see. He's so cuuuuuute. I'll try to felt some wool "rocks" sometime soon.

#3

I got a 3 CD set from the library, Songs from the Street: 35 Years of Music from Sesame Street. And have been listening to it. A lot. In the car. With the windows down. With no children in the backseat. Why do I take such delight in things made for children??? Lots of memories flooding back, and I positively danced (!) when I heard these songs again:
Sing (A Song)
Ladybug's Picnic
Doin' the Pigeon
The Batty Bat
Somebody Come and Play
And especially this little gem:

#4

That's it! The gaining of weight must stop! I can't fit into any of my pants! (In truth, it's been a long time of cleverly avoiding certain articles of clothing, a few months now) Zumba starts this week, and I'm committed, man. I just ordered a bridesmaids dress that is a size smaller than my waist measurements (which is my normal size), and come hell or high water, I will fit into that dress by the end of December!!!

#5

Which brings me to something I can never get over: priorities. In order to lose weight, I must make exercise and eating right a priority. Both take time out of the day (in order to eat right, one must spend more time with one's food), so I have to weigh it - no pun intended - with all the other things to do in a day, nay, a week. I want to read in order to keep my mind stimulated and learn new things, especially about babies and kids; I want to keep chugging away on sewing projects, which have lain unnoticed for the last two months; I want to start writing more, here and on my own; I want to keep volunteering and helping people out; I want/have to keep earning money; and, oh yeah, it'd be nice to see another sentient being every once in a while. How do people do this without going crazy?!

It's posts like this that, after I write them, I say to myself, "Boo hoo, your life is so hard, you big baby. Pull up the big girl panties and deal."

#6

I just started reading The Long Loneliness by Dorothy Day. It's her autobiography, but she begins with a fantastic discussion of confession:

"Going to confession is hard - hard when you have sins to confess, hard when you haven't, and you rack your brain for even the beginnings of sins against charity, chastity, sins of detraction, sloth or gluttony. You do not want to make too much of your constant imperfections and venial sins, but you want to drag them out to the light of day as the first step in getting rid of them. The just man falls seven times daily."

LOVE IT.

#7

Ok, I lied. This last one will actually become a full post soon, because I have more than enough to say when reviewing books and movies. I just finished Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (I wouldn't recommend it, actually), just saw Julie & Julia (go see it!), and just watched the second episode of Glee! (ambivalent). The next post will be a review of all three sips of entertainment. Drinking it all in! That's what a Thirsty Daughter does.

New Look

Sorry to surprise you. I felt confined by the old one, and needed a more grown-up look. I'm serious about being better about this! Especially now that I don't have homework.
With love,
Katie B.

Adventures in Babysitting

I feel like I'm going blog-crazy here the last few days. I know it's somewhat out of character for me, but... I just have to rejoice, and have others share in my joy and praise the Lord for His goodness.

It's 11:15am, and both babies are asleep. After quite a horrid day on Monday where I entered a dark place in the realm of childcare, I dare say that I rocked it this morning.

PRAISE JESUS!

I had to come to the realization (and acceptance - huge) that all babies are, in fact, different. Little people, just as unique in their likes, dislikes, and habits as us big people. After watching the darling, independent Rose for a month, I was presented the challenge of Anthony. Same age... WAY different person. He's a cuddler. While Rose can entertain herself for hours, Anthony needs a gentle touch. Which I didn't have on Monday.

Gaining a bit more perspective on his personality helped a lot. I held him more, read some more books, but still spent some quality time with Rose (like putting her down for her nap, the little one curled up against me and the bottle and my heart nearly wept).

Also on my side? Some new movement techniques, thanks to my roommate's research for her own daycare classroom. I put them each on a fleece blanket in turns and pulled them around the hardwood floor. They weren't super excited about it, but they were intrigued. And then we rolled around on top of a ball for a while. The outcome of which was two satisfactorily tired babies who went down for their naps with absolutely no fuss. Amazing.

This is a learning period for me; not just to learn how to take care of babies, but for me to learn what kind of caretaker I am and what I need. I need to plan structured play. I don't do well with waving some toys around for half an hour. I get bored, and I'm scattered. I'm currently keeping track of their schedules (feedings, naps, poops), which is also something that I need. I need to be able to look back on the day with some kind of structure for my memory to work around. Otherwise it all mushes together like the babies' lunch. So God has blessed me with a fantastic morning. I hope I can keep it up until 5pm.

Back to School Thrifting

Ok, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that I'm trying* to cut expenses because I'll be making next to nothing for pay. I haven't gone on a clothing shopping spree in months due to my tightened purse strings. Well now it's showing in my clothes. Camisoles are stretched out. Pit stains are abundant. Holes are showing up. I can only darn my clothes so many times!

I exaggerate. I have plenty of nice clothes. And it wasn't even with that intention that I drove to Goodwill on my way home. I was looking for some wool sweaters that I could felt (100% wool is hard to find!!!), but then there were so many good things that I got swept away with it all. Here's my haul:

Short sleeve hoodie from Maurice's
White linen-y shirt from New York & Company
Red and white flowered skirt from H&M
Dark blue half-sleeve shirt from Old Navy
Dark blue 100% Italian Merino wool sweater from Banana Republic (felting)
Pink and brown 100% Italian Merino wool sweater from GAP (felting)
Brown and purple 100% lambs' wool sweater from DKNY Jeans (felting)
A CD holder for 42+ CDs
A bright blue mesh basket (for my letters and cards)
The Muppet Movie DVD (for $5!)
Hardcovers of Dr. Seuss's: ABC, The Cat in the Hat, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, Green Eggs and Ham

And the total was under $50. I was pretty stoked. First off, I feel sort of bad for felting such high end sweaters. Nope, I'm over it, they were $4 each. Second, do you know how expensive hardcover children's books are??? VERY! These were a frickin steal! And you can't find The Muppet Movie for that cheap anywhere (except ebay, but I don't mess with that). I'm excited about the new clothing purchases as well. Some more forgiving styles for my *ahem* larger figure (gained by a whole summer of sitting on my keester).

I know where I'm doing my shopping from now on! Go out and thrift!

*and not succeeding