The Phone Saga and so much more

Too many of my friends have been subjected to my rants about losing my cell phone. It's been two days since I last saw my precious, well and at my side. I hate that something so out of my control is controlling my emotions and frame of mind. I hate that I'm letting a silly piece of plastic and computer chips get to me, but I am.

Also, I'm convinced Satan stole my cell phone.

I started preparing for a deeply spiritual ...thing... that I am going to lead in a couple weeks. Quite out of nowhere a week ago, my happy joyful moods disappeared. I was short with the kids. I was cranky and ornery, and saw everything as bad things happening to me. I lost all passion for nannying, or even my future. It was as if a raincloud was following me around. Then I realized, 'hey, I've got this really intense thing coming up where lives might be turned back to God. I bet Satan really hates this.'

I had completely forgotten that I would be spiritually attacked.

The spiritual war for souls rages on, after all. I know you might not be into that kind of thinking, but pretend as if you were. Demons are battling for your soul all your life. Read C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters if you're interested. I think that demons are sort of the opposite of your conscience. They usually tempt me in the way of desires, things I want to do or eat RIGHT NOW. There's also the feelings of loneliness, apathy, anger, anxiety - all of the things OPPOSITE to the Fruits of the Holy Spirit. Let me show you.

Fruit............Temptation
Love.............Indifference
Joy..............Despair
Peace............Anxiety
Patience.........Short temper
Kindness.........Cruelty
Goodness.........Evil
Faithfulness.....Inconstancy
Self-control.....Self-Indulgence

I learned early on that, as a gauge for every situation, if the Fruits were not present, the Spirit wasn't there. And I don't want to be in any situation where the Spirit doesn't have my back. Anything that causes us to feel the temptations, the antipathies of the Fruits, and moreover anything that leads us to SIN, is not from God. God may try us, and He may ask us to carry a cross, but He would never lead us into sin. So, logically, if these bad feelings don't come from God, where do they come from?

That's why I believe in spiritual combat. Because there are some times like last week, when I went from soaking up life and God's presence in my life, and LOVING what I was doing, to feeling no love for the children and filled with grumbling grumpiness. For no reason. None at all.

Satan doesn't like me right now, because I'm working on something that will surely take souls away from his grasp. So he planted grumpy thoughts in my head. And sucked all the joy out of my soul. And now he stole my phone, which is adding plenty of anxiety to my life.

So I'm fighting back with prayer. It's much more of a struggle to choose to be joyful when I'm not filled with the natural joy of life. That was a great blessing while God allowed me to feel it. But now He wants me to prove that I can stick by Him when life isn't easy. I don't pretend to know why God allows Satan to attack people. I do know that I want to follow God wherever He leads me, because I trust in Him. I trust that this is not the end, that I can endure anything with His help in order to be with Him in heaven.

And what's a cell phone compared with that?

Shadows by David Crowder Band

Life is full of light and shadow
Oh the joy! And oh the sorrow. Oh the sorrow.
Yet will He bring dark to light.
Yet will He bring day from night.

When shadows fall on us,
We will not fear, we will remember.
When darkness falls on us,
We will not fear, we will remember.
When all seems lost,
And we're thrown and we're tossed,
We'll remember the cost:
We're resting in the shadow of the cross.

This song and these lyrics are just rocking me right now. To some, it appears that the lyrics don't actually say much that we didn't already know. Ok, so we're resting in the shadow of the cross... I guess so.

But I interpret something deeper. When life IS full of more shadows than light, struggles that seem to be hopeless and the sin of this world crushing us, we must not despair. We will NOT fear! We must remember that Jesus told His disciples that, if they wanted to follow Him, they would have to follow Him to the cross. The cross is our inheritance. It brings us eternal life, but it also brings struggles and shadows. The most beautiful thing about the cross to me is that, while it represents the greatest suffering, it is also the blessed vehicle of our salvation. This is why we Catholics cross ourselves, to remind us of our inheritance, both joy and sorrow. This is why we wear cross necklaces, to keep this great mystery close to our hearts. This is why we kneel before the cross on Good Friday in veneration.

I take such joy in this song. Yes, it is about the darkness in life, but there is no darkness too great for Jesus. The most beautiful darkness comes from the shadow of the cross.

Must See!!!

First, a marriage of two of my loves:





Second, a lovely, lovely surprise that makes me sooooo excited! I apologize for the horror movie trailer at the beginning, and open it up to fullscreen; my format cuts half of it off.

Simple Joy

I'm not sure that many of you know this, but I am ridiculously happy right now. God has given me such joy that I sometimes can't remember life not being this good, all the time. Well, more correctly, it probably has been, and I've been too blind to see it.

Sure, I'm making very little money. Sure, I don't see people my own age very much. Sure, I actually only work about 20 hours a week right now, anybody would be happy with that.

I LOVE being a nanny. I have truly grown to love these children (from several families), and they teach me so much about how to love. I really enjoy being with these kids in their home, and also working with their parents. It saddens me to think that I really won't be able to nanny after starting my own family. There are some hard days, but I never leave thinking about how horrible of a day it was. I just think about how I get another try tomorrow. I'm not going to run off and work for a daycare - I don't think I'm cut out for it - or become an elementary ed teacher. I like the one-on-one and knowing the family dynamic. I'm learning so much right now. I'm not worried about the future, because I can feel deep in my soul that THIS is where God wants me, and that's all that matters.