As of tonight, December 26 2009, I am taking a leave of absence from the blogosphere for an undetermined length of time. God has put it on my heart to simplify my life in terms of the amount of both media input and media output. The internet is a dangerous place to say things, partially because you don't know who's reading, but more importantly (I think) because it's a faceless medium with no consequences. By this, I mean to say that one feels liberated to say things online which one would never dream of saying in person, and is therefore unhealthy and unbalanced.
I keep this blog largely because I like having my little soapbox on the internet. While I am grateful for those of you who do read what I write, I must always be mindful of my intentions with this tool. Right now, it exists for selfish reasons. It has become an outlet for feelings and frustrations that belong in prayer alone. (You may not feel that way, but you must believe this is the reality of my internal struggle.) Also, I think blogs are best put to use when they are a medium for sharing passions, and my passion has become... parenting. Yet I find myself in the strange predicament of not actually being qualified to talk about my passion. With all these ideas, struggles, and emotions whirling around in my soul, I know that I must turn from my computer to simple pen and paper, and from the faceless internet to me-and-Jesus time.
Simply put? I'm at a huge emotional transition in my life, and the last thing I should be doing is talking about things online which I have very little business talking about. There's so much GOOD content out there, and I don't feel like I'm contributing to that. So with that, I take my leave. I'm not sure when I'll be back, but I hope God will lead me back soon. In the meantime, here are some of the blogs I idolize and love:
Soule Mama
Conversion Diary
Betty Duffy
Sorta Crunchy
Holy Experience
Ta-ta and God Bless,
Katie
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
A Childish Confession
I do have a confession for the world. And here it is: I have tantrums.
Two clarifications: 1) Yes, I am a fully functional adult and 2) Not the kicking and screaming kind of tantrum. I was just reading a bit of What to Expect the Toddler Years (the third in a series of go-to parenting books, for those not in the know), particularly a little sidebar about how tantrums are not just for kids. And it hit me that, in fact, I am one of those adults who sometimes cannot handle her emotions. Usually frustration. A lot of people have outburst when they are angry, yes. I just mean to say that I KNOW I'm one of them.
Examples, you ask? But of course. Just last week I accidentally left my purse at a bridal shower located an hour away, and didn't realize it until I had gotten home. Upon facing the prospect of driving another two hours that night, I started crying in frustration and desperation. Friends try to work through my problems like this with me, bless their hearts, but there are many times when I just have to have it out. I recall another time a couple years ago when it was my responsibility to get balloons for a roommate's birthday. Walgreens didn't have any. I looked and looked on campus and there were simply no balloons to be had. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. To me, it was a big deal. I cried about that too, venting my frustrations to another roommate.
I've cried over bad grades in college classes. I've thrown my phone against a wall because my reception was poor. Don't even ask me to describe what shopping for clothes is like.
I have tantrums in my own little way. And this one little breakthrough is helping to open my eyes to the plights of toddlers. Small things can be a big deal, no matter how old a person is. In those cases, you never want to belittle the upsetting thing, but react with empathy. Try to understand the frustration of wanting something, and just not being able to get it or have it happen. We all have to learn to deal with these strong emotions. Some of us take longer to master that skill, and that's ok. I turned out alright.
Two clarifications: 1) Yes, I am a fully functional adult and 2) Not the kicking and screaming kind of tantrum. I was just reading a bit of What to Expect the Toddler Years (the third in a series of go-to parenting books, for those not in the know), particularly a little sidebar about how tantrums are not just for kids. And it hit me that, in fact, I am one of those adults who sometimes cannot handle her emotions. Usually frustration. A lot of people have outburst when they are angry, yes. I just mean to say that I KNOW I'm one of them.
Examples, you ask? But of course. Just last week I accidentally left my purse at a bridal shower located an hour away, and didn't realize it until I had gotten home. Upon facing the prospect of driving another two hours that night, I started crying in frustration and desperation. Friends try to work through my problems like this with me, bless their hearts, but there are many times when I just have to have it out. I recall another time a couple years ago when it was my responsibility to get balloons for a roommate's birthday. Walgreens didn't have any. I looked and looked on campus and there were simply no balloons to be had. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. To me, it was a big deal. I cried about that too, venting my frustrations to another roommate.
I've cried over bad grades in college classes. I've thrown my phone against a wall because my reception was poor. Don't even ask me to describe what shopping for clothes is like.
I have tantrums in my own little way. And this one little breakthrough is helping to open my eyes to the plights of toddlers. Small things can be a big deal, no matter how old a person is. In those cases, you never want to belittle the upsetting thing, but react with empathy. Try to understand the frustration of wanting something, and just not being able to get it or have it happen. We all have to learn to deal with these strong emotions. Some of us take longer to master that skill, and that's ok. I turned out alright.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Virginity in Birth
I recently posted this comment as my facebook status:
Katie wishes she could find a realistic picture of the Nativity - what's all this with Mary being composed? She just had a baby!
Someone responded with this article about Mary maintaining her virginity through the birth of the Christ. I respected what was said in the article on behalf of the Church, and if this were the Church's official position, then I would obey. But it's far from official. And I have a beef with the idea that the baby Jesus simply slid out of the Virgin Mother, or, even more appalling, that He just appeared.
Now I love Mary. And the part of her I am most drawn to is her physical motherhood. She has been a great source of inspiration for women as mothers these 2000 years. There's something inside me that feels my respect for her (or perhaps more rightly, my connection to her) would lessen if I had to believe she did not feel anything in labor. Many are quick to point out that the pains of labor are a direct result of the Fall (see Genesis 2), and Mary, being conceived without original sin, would not have felt the consequences of the Fall. Let me assure you, I am ALL ABOUT the Immaculate Conception. Couldn't be a bigger fan. But what Genesis really says is that the pangs of labor will be INTENSIFIED as a result of the Fall, which means God created labor with a certain amount of intensity and pain.
I brought this up with my friend who works as a doula, and has three children of her own. She related to me that the reason birth can be so difficult is almost solely because of fear. When a woman is scared (of unfamiliar surroundings, of her own inadequacy as a mother), her abdomen muscles tighten and it's far more painful to push the baby out. It was when my friend surrendered and completely trusted God in the birthing process that it suddenly became easier. Not painless, but easier.
I think that holiness is attained through choosing the will of God during suffering, rather than not suffering at all. Mary SUFFERED. At the cross, her heart was pierced with a sword as she held the body of her son. So why would God give her a free pass on labor when He would later cause her to feel the deepest grief? I believe that Mary felt pain during labor, but CHOSE to trust God through the pain. She had no fear. She embraced the pains of childbirth because she knew it to be the will of God. It was notably easier for her to do so because she was free of original sin, and therefore free from the doubts and fears that we all face (thanks to another friend for pointing this out). If you picture original sin as a veil we all wear that keeps us from seeing the will of God clearly, then Mary had no such veil but looked on God with love at all times.
So ok, I think it's safe to say that Mary had an easier time in childbirth than any other woman. Yet I think I will always be comforted by believing that Mary went through the same life-changing experience that all mothers do; that she held her naked baby seconds after He came out of her womb, all covered in blood and fluids and oh so purple, and loved Him more than any mother has loved her child.
Isn't Advent just a wonderful season?
Katie wishes she could find a realistic picture of the Nativity - what's all this with Mary being composed? She just had a baby!
Someone responded with this article about Mary maintaining her virginity through the birth of the Christ. I respected what was said in the article on behalf of the Church, and if this were the Church's official position, then I would obey. But it's far from official. And I have a beef with the idea that the baby Jesus simply slid out of the Virgin Mother, or, even more appalling, that He just appeared.
Now I love Mary. And the part of her I am most drawn to is her physical motherhood. She has been a great source of inspiration for women as mothers these 2000 years. There's something inside me that feels my respect for her (or perhaps more rightly, my connection to her) would lessen if I had to believe she did not feel anything in labor. Many are quick to point out that the pains of labor are a direct result of the Fall (see Genesis 2), and Mary, being conceived without original sin, would not have felt the consequences of the Fall. Let me assure you, I am ALL ABOUT the Immaculate Conception. Couldn't be a bigger fan. But what Genesis really says is that the pangs of labor will be INTENSIFIED as a result of the Fall, which means God created labor with a certain amount of intensity and pain.
I brought this up with my friend who works as a doula, and has three children of her own. She related to me that the reason birth can be so difficult is almost solely because of fear. When a woman is scared (of unfamiliar surroundings, of her own inadequacy as a mother), her abdomen muscles tighten and it's far more painful to push the baby out. It was when my friend surrendered and completely trusted God in the birthing process that it suddenly became easier. Not painless, but easier.
I think that holiness is attained through choosing the will of God during suffering, rather than not suffering at all. Mary SUFFERED. At the cross, her heart was pierced with a sword as she held the body of her son. So why would God give her a free pass on labor when He would later cause her to feel the deepest grief? I believe that Mary felt pain during labor, but CHOSE to trust God through the pain. She had no fear. She embraced the pains of childbirth because she knew it to be the will of God. It was notably easier for her to do so because she was free of original sin, and therefore free from the doubts and fears that we all face (thanks to another friend for pointing this out). If you picture original sin as a veil we all wear that keeps us from seeing the will of God clearly, then Mary had no such veil but looked on God with love at all times.
So ok, I think it's safe to say that Mary had an easier time in childbirth than any other woman. Yet I think I will always be comforted by believing that Mary went through the same life-changing experience that all mothers do; that she held her naked baby seconds after He came out of her womb, all covered in blood and fluids and oh so purple, and loved Him more than any mother has loved her child.
Isn't Advent just a wonderful season?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Depth of Our Fall, and the Weight of it All
Note: I apologize to those who read the first draft of this. I concluded that it was terribly uninsightful, and rewrote the second half to better reflect what was the dominant lesson I drew from this experience.
The story of my Halloween is long and complicated. The evening was spent enjoying the party we (my roommates and myself) hosted at our condo, then a bit of meandering around State Street without actually paying to get into Freakfest. However, when I returned home thinking only of my bed's warm blankets and pillows that smell like me, I found people still there. When I left 30 minutes prior, everyone at the party had left, either for home or the bar near our house. I locked the front door. These people, upon finding the door locked, logically went to our BACK DOOR. Sketchy. (Though to clarify, they had been at the party earlier that evening.) I wasn't about to go to bed while there were people I didn't know in my house, so I stayed up, cleaned up, and read blogs until 3:30am, when the others returned from the bar. By that time, I felt so... heavy with the sin of this fallen world, listening to many drunk and sober people talk about how smashed they were, how much they hated so-and-so, or how they had failed to score a one-night stand at their last party. You get the idea. After having 4 hours of this kind of input, I curled up in bed and just cried, because I felt "the depth of our fall and the weight of it all", as David Crowder says.
On Sunday morning, I listened to an illuminating sermon by Rob Bell at Mars Hill Bible Church (check out the link on my sidebar) about the beatitude, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they shall be filled." His thesis was just what I needed to hear after feeling our separation from God so distinctly the night before: God is on the side of those who feel the difference between the way things are and the way they should be, and long with every fiber of their being for a change. Essentially, God is with us in the struggle and the tension of knowing that things are not as they should be, that we were not made for this. We were made for so much more, we were made for communion with our Creator!!! We were made to adore Him in Heaven, yet we go through our lives causing Him pain as disobedient children pain their parents. We make bad decisions because we often only consider what WE want rather than what HE wants for us (and always makes us infinitely happier). We get drunk, we use His name as a curse, we get involved in gangs, we fall in and out of sexual relationships. How much it must tear our Father apart to see us destroy ourselves and each other. I cry for my brothers and sisters, that they have turned away from God in order to do what they want to do. On the night of Halloween, I felt this pain as I have never felt it before, because, quite frankly, I am not usually in the company of those who have turned away from God in their actions. Seeing this other side of my generation (the side on which I grew up, btw) made me long for the Kingdom of Heaven to be established on earth. The young men and women my own age who seemed so unhappy with their life at 3am on Halloween were created by the same God who created John Paul the Great, Blessed Theresa of Calcutta, St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinus, St. Therese of Lisieux - all the holy men and women whom we celebrated the following morning, All Saint's Day.
Because we were given a choice, there will always be people who turn away from God and His will in their lives. There will always be a separation between what we were created for, and what we are doing now. That doesn't mean I have to like it.
The story of my Halloween is long and complicated. The evening was spent enjoying the party we (my roommates and myself) hosted at our condo, then a bit of meandering around State Street without actually paying to get into Freakfest. However, when I returned home thinking only of my bed's warm blankets and pillows that smell like me, I found people still there. When I left 30 minutes prior, everyone at the party had left, either for home or the bar near our house. I locked the front door. These people, upon finding the door locked, logically went to our BACK DOOR. Sketchy. (Though to clarify, they had been at the party earlier that evening.) I wasn't about to go to bed while there were people I didn't know in my house, so I stayed up, cleaned up, and read blogs until 3:30am, when the others returned from the bar. By that time, I felt so... heavy with the sin of this fallen world, listening to many drunk and sober people talk about how smashed they were, how much they hated so-and-so, or how they had failed to score a one-night stand at their last party. You get the idea. After having 4 hours of this kind of input, I curled up in bed and just cried, because I felt "the depth of our fall and the weight of it all", as David Crowder says.
On Sunday morning, I listened to an illuminating sermon by Rob Bell at Mars Hill Bible Church (check out the link on my sidebar) about the beatitude, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they shall be filled." His thesis was just what I needed to hear after feeling our separation from God so distinctly the night before: God is on the side of those who feel the difference between the way things are and the way they should be, and long with every fiber of their being for a change. Essentially, God is with us in the struggle and the tension of knowing that things are not as they should be, that we were not made for this. We were made for so much more, we were made for communion with our Creator!!! We were made to adore Him in Heaven, yet we go through our lives causing Him pain as disobedient children pain their parents. We make bad decisions because we often only consider what WE want rather than what HE wants for us (and always makes us infinitely happier). We get drunk, we use His name as a curse, we get involved in gangs, we fall in and out of sexual relationships. How much it must tear our Father apart to see us destroy ourselves and each other. I cry for my brothers and sisters, that they have turned away from God in order to do what they want to do. On the night of Halloween, I felt this pain as I have never felt it before, because, quite frankly, I am not usually in the company of those who have turned away from God in their actions. Seeing this other side of my generation (the side on which I grew up, btw) made me long for the Kingdom of Heaven to be established on earth. The young men and women my own age who seemed so unhappy with their life at 3am on Halloween were created by the same God who created John Paul the Great, Blessed Theresa of Calcutta, St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinus, St. Therese of Lisieux - all the holy men and women whom we celebrated the following morning, All Saint's Day.
Because we were given a choice, there will always be people who turn away from God and His will in their lives. There will always be a separation between what we were created for, and what we are doing now. That doesn't mean I have to like it.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The Phone Saga and so much more
Too many of my friends have been subjected to my rants about losing my cell phone. It's been two days since I last saw my precious, well and at my side. I hate that something so out of my control is controlling my emotions and frame of mind. I hate that I'm letting a silly piece of plastic and computer chips get to me, but I am.
Also, I'm convinced Satan stole my cell phone.
I started preparing for a deeply spiritual ...thing... that I am going to lead in a couple weeks. Quite out of nowhere a week ago, my happy joyful moods disappeared. I was short with the kids. I was cranky and ornery, and saw everything as bad things happening to me. I lost all passion for nannying, or even my future. It was as if a raincloud was following me around. Then I realized, 'hey, I've got this really intense thing coming up where lives might be turned back to God. I bet Satan really hates this.'
I had completely forgotten that I would be spiritually attacked.
The spiritual war for souls rages on, after all. I know you might not be into that kind of thinking, but pretend as if you were. Demons are battling for your soul all your life. Read C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters if you're interested. I think that demons are sort of the opposite of your conscience. They usually tempt me in the way of desires, things I want to do or eat RIGHT NOW. There's also the feelings of loneliness, apathy, anger, anxiety - all of the things OPPOSITE to the Fruits of the Holy Spirit. Let me show you.
Fruit............Temptation
Love.............Indifference
Joy..............Despair
Peace............Anxiety
Patience.........Short temper
Kindness.........Cruelty
Goodness.........Evil
Faithfulness.....Inconstancy
Self-control.....Self-Indulgence
I learned early on that, as a gauge for every situation, if the Fruits were not present, the Spirit wasn't there. And I don't want to be in any situation where the Spirit doesn't have my back. Anything that causes us to feel the temptations, the antipathies of the Fruits, and moreover anything that leads us to SIN, is not from God. God may try us, and He may ask us to carry a cross, but He would never lead us into sin. So, logically, if these bad feelings don't come from God, where do they come from?
That's why I believe in spiritual combat. Because there are some times like last week, when I went from soaking up life and God's presence in my life, and LOVING what I was doing, to feeling no love for the children and filled with grumbling grumpiness. For no reason. None at all.
Satan doesn't like me right now, because I'm working on something that will surely take souls away from his grasp. So he planted grumpy thoughts in my head. And sucked all the joy out of my soul. And now he stole my phone, which is adding plenty of anxiety to my life.
So I'm fighting back with prayer. It's much more of a struggle to choose to be joyful when I'm not filled with the natural joy of life. That was a great blessing while God allowed me to feel it. But now He wants me to prove that I can stick by Him when life isn't easy. I don't pretend to know why God allows Satan to attack people. I do know that I want to follow God wherever He leads me, because I trust in Him. I trust that this is not the end, that I can endure anything with His help in order to be with Him in heaven.
And what's a cell phone compared with that?
Also, I'm convinced Satan stole my cell phone.
I started preparing for a deeply spiritual ...thing... that I am going to lead in a couple weeks. Quite out of nowhere a week ago, my happy joyful moods disappeared. I was short with the kids. I was cranky and ornery, and saw everything as bad things happening to me. I lost all passion for nannying, or even my future. It was as if a raincloud was following me around. Then I realized, 'hey, I've got this really intense thing coming up where lives might be turned back to God. I bet Satan really hates this.'
I had completely forgotten that I would be spiritually attacked.
The spiritual war for souls rages on, after all. I know you might not be into that kind of thinking, but pretend as if you were. Demons are battling for your soul all your life. Read C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters if you're interested. I think that demons are sort of the opposite of your conscience. They usually tempt me in the way of desires, things I want to do or eat RIGHT NOW. There's also the feelings of loneliness, apathy, anger, anxiety - all of the things OPPOSITE to the Fruits of the Holy Spirit. Let me show you.
Fruit............Temptation
Love.............Indifference
Joy..............Despair
Peace............Anxiety
Patience.........Short temper
Kindness.........Cruelty
Goodness.........Evil
Faithfulness.....Inconstancy
Self-control.....Self-Indulgence
I learned early on that, as a gauge for every situation, if the Fruits were not present, the Spirit wasn't there. And I don't want to be in any situation where the Spirit doesn't have my back. Anything that causes us to feel the temptations, the antipathies of the Fruits, and moreover anything that leads us to SIN, is not from God. God may try us, and He may ask us to carry a cross, but He would never lead us into sin. So, logically, if these bad feelings don't come from God, where do they come from?
That's why I believe in spiritual combat. Because there are some times like last week, when I went from soaking up life and God's presence in my life, and LOVING what I was doing, to feeling no love for the children and filled with grumbling grumpiness. For no reason. None at all.
Satan doesn't like me right now, because I'm working on something that will surely take souls away from his grasp. So he planted grumpy thoughts in my head. And sucked all the joy out of my soul. And now he stole my phone, which is adding plenty of anxiety to my life.
So I'm fighting back with prayer. It's much more of a struggle to choose to be joyful when I'm not filled with the natural joy of life. That was a great blessing while God allowed me to feel it. But now He wants me to prove that I can stick by Him when life isn't easy. I don't pretend to know why God allows Satan to attack people. I do know that I want to follow God wherever He leads me, because I trust in Him. I trust that this is not the end, that I can endure anything with His help in order to be with Him in heaven.
And what's a cell phone compared with that?
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Shadows by David Crowder Band
Life is full of light and shadow
Oh the joy! And oh the sorrow. Oh the sorrow.
Yet will He bring dark to light.
Yet will He bring day from night.
When shadows fall on us,
We will not fear, we will remember.
When darkness falls on us,
We will not fear, we will remember.
When all seems lost,
And we're thrown and we're tossed,
We'll remember the cost:
We're resting in the shadow of the cross.
This song and these lyrics are just rocking me right now. To some, it appears that the lyrics don't actually say much that we didn't already know. Ok, so we're resting in the shadow of the cross... I guess so.
But I interpret something deeper. When life IS full of more shadows than light, struggles that seem to be hopeless and the sin of this world crushing us, we must not despair. We will NOT fear! We must remember that Jesus told His disciples that, if they wanted to follow Him, they would have to follow Him to the cross. The cross is our inheritance. It brings us eternal life, but it also brings struggles and shadows. The most beautiful thing about the cross to me is that, while it represents the greatest suffering, it is also the blessed vehicle of our salvation. This is why we Catholics cross ourselves, to remind us of our inheritance, both joy and sorrow. This is why we wear cross necklaces, to keep this great mystery close to our hearts. This is why we kneel before the cross on Good Friday in veneration.
I take such joy in this song. Yes, it is about the darkness in life, but there is no darkness too great for Jesus. The most beautiful darkness comes from the shadow of the cross.
Oh the joy! And oh the sorrow. Oh the sorrow.
Yet will He bring dark to light.
Yet will He bring day from night.
When shadows fall on us,
We will not fear, we will remember.
When darkness falls on us,
We will not fear, we will remember.
When all seems lost,
And we're thrown and we're tossed,
We'll remember the cost:
We're resting in the shadow of the cross.
This song and these lyrics are just rocking me right now. To some, it appears that the lyrics don't actually say much that we didn't already know. Ok, so we're resting in the shadow of the cross... I guess so.
But I interpret something deeper. When life IS full of more shadows than light, struggles that seem to be hopeless and the sin of this world crushing us, we must not despair. We will NOT fear! We must remember that Jesus told His disciples that, if they wanted to follow Him, they would have to follow Him to the cross. The cross is our inheritance. It brings us eternal life, but it also brings struggles and shadows. The most beautiful thing about the cross to me is that, while it represents the greatest suffering, it is also the blessed vehicle of our salvation. This is why we Catholics cross ourselves, to remind us of our inheritance, both joy and sorrow. This is why we wear cross necklaces, to keep this great mystery close to our hearts. This is why we kneel before the cross on Good Friday in veneration.
I take such joy in this song. Yes, it is about the darkness in life, but there is no darkness too great for Jesus. The most beautiful darkness comes from the shadow of the cross.
Must See!!!
First, a marriage of two of my loves:
Second, a lovely, lovely surprise that makes me sooooo excited! I apologize for the horror movie trailer at the beginning, and open it up to fullscreen; my format cuts half of it off.
Second, a lovely, lovely surprise that makes me sooooo excited! I apologize for the horror movie trailer at the beginning, and open it up to fullscreen; my format cuts half of it off.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Simple Joy
I'm not sure that many of you know this, but I am ridiculously happy right now. God has given me such joy that I sometimes can't remember life not being this good, all the time. Well, more correctly, it probably has been, and I've been too blind to see it.
Sure, I'm making very little money. Sure, I don't see people my own age very much. Sure, I actually only work about 20 hours a week right now, anybody would be happy with that.
I LOVE being a nanny. I have truly grown to love these children (from several families), and they teach me so much about how to love. I really enjoy being with these kids in their home, and also working with their parents. It saddens me to think that I really won't be able to nanny after starting my own family. There are some hard days, but I never leave thinking about how horrible of a day it was. I just think about how I get another try tomorrow. I'm not going to run off and work for a daycare - I don't think I'm cut out for it - or become an elementary ed teacher. I like the one-on-one and knowing the family dynamic. I'm learning so much right now. I'm not worried about the future, because I can feel deep in my soul that THIS is where God wants me, and that's all that matters.
Sure, I'm making very little money. Sure, I don't see people my own age very much. Sure, I actually only work about 20 hours a week right now, anybody would be happy with that.
I LOVE being a nanny. I have truly grown to love these children (from several families), and they teach me so much about how to love. I really enjoy being with these kids in their home, and also working with their parents. It saddens me to think that I really won't be able to nanny after starting my own family. There are some hard days, but I never leave thinking about how horrible of a day it was. I just think about how I get another try tomorrow. I'm not going to run off and work for a daycare - I don't think I'm cut out for it - or become an elementary ed teacher. I like the one-on-one and knowing the family dynamic. I'm learning so much right now. I'm not worried about the future, because I can feel deep in my soul that THIS is where God wants me, and that's all that matters.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Three Things For Which I'm Grateful to No Longer be a Toddler
1) Can you imagine what kind of chaos would exist in our world if God didn't design us to have full control of our bladder and bowels by the age of 4? I'm grateful that I learned this essential skill, and that my life does not demand that a bathroom be close at hand. (This is my favorite story: according to my mother, I potty-trained ridiculously early because I hated to have wet clothes touching me.)
2) Kids are beasts when they are overtired. Especially with infants, it's such a pathetic (in the best sense of the word) thing to witness when a baby is so tired, she cries and can't get to sleep. Infrequent insomnia aside, I'm grateful that I don't just sit down and cry when I'm overly tired. College would have been a disaster.
3) Those poor little toddlers, spouting perfectly enunciated gibberish that only falls on foreign, grown-up ears. It's got to be so frustrating for little Andy when, to his ears, he calmly asks for more bunny crackers, and I look at him with big eyes, saying, "I'm sorry, honey, I just don't understand you." No wonder 2 year olds throw so many tantrums. It would be like me moving to Hungary with a Hungarian phrasebook only to have all the townspeople, with pity on their faces, reply, "I am sorry, I cannot understand you" in English. How maddening!
Being with children is the most useful and enlightening education I've ever had the pleasure of receiving.
2) Kids are beasts when they are overtired. Especially with infants, it's such a pathetic (in the best sense of the word) thing to witness when a baby is so tired, she cries and can't get to sleep. Infrequent insomnia aside, I'm grateful that I don't just sit down and cry when I'm overly tired. College would have been a disaster.
3) Those poor little toddlers, spouting perfectly enunciated gibberish that only falls on foreign, grown-up ears. It's got to be so frustrating for little Andy when, to his ears, he calmly asks for more bunny crackers, and I look at him with big eyes, saying, "I'm sorry, honey, I just don't understand you." No wonder 2 year olds throw so many tantrums. It would be like me moving to Hungary with a Hungarian phrasebook only to have all the townspeople, with pity on their faces, reply, "I am sorry, I cannot understand you" in English. How maddening!
Being with children is the most useful and enlightening education I've ever had the pleasure of receiving.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
4 Reviews in 400 Words
Julie & Julia
I may have appreciated this more because I read Julie Powell’s account. She and her husband were, for the most part, accurately portrayed, and of course Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci were a pleasure to watch. Nothing new said there. Also unoriginally, the movie made me hungry. But it was a movie about writing as well as cooking: Julia Child painstakingly rewriting Mastering the Art of French Cooking, and Julie Powell discovering fame through blog writing. Perhaps an autobiographical movie featuring Child would have been as heartwarming, but the juxtaposition of the two life stories was a refreshing storytelling format.
Pride and Pr
ejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
As I mentioned, I ended up not being impressed by this book. In fact, I dreaded returning to it every day. I should have known that my unabashed love for the original would keep me from enjoying an alteration. I also don’t like zombie movies, so that should have tipped me off. Grahame-Smith kept changing details which didn’t need to be changed and making obvious things that were better left unsaid. While I value the concept and applaud his ingenuity, I feel like a better version would be one in which Austen’s intent and themes remained unchanged, just with zombies.
Glee – Episode 2
This show so close to my heart DID improve after the pilot! I thought the characters more tempered, but still outlandish enough to make me laugh out loud (the cheerleading coach is hysterical). I can’t pretend to be ok with their message about sex – desires should not be suppressed, but contracepted. I’m intrigued by the main cheerleader (aka cheer-io), because she’s clearly Catholic and serious about faith. It’s usually the born-again characters who are serious. She also has the all-too-understandable motive of getting her boyfriend back. The music was awesome, especially a cover of Golddigger. I want more of that!
Marie Antoinette
This retelling of the Cake-Eater’s life directed by Sofia Coppolla totally succeeds! Everything is period (except the music), and therefore beautiful to watch. Kirsten Dunst is absolutely perfect as the naïve princess who prefers the simple life, but “parties like a rock star” when she can’t get Louis to do his duty as a husband. The film movies slowly, but Coppolla establishes monotony and repetition amidst the splendor of
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Litany of Humility
I must apologize for #6 in the last post. I kept ruminating on it long after I had shut my computer down for the night, thinking things like, "man, when I have kids, it's going to be even more impossible to get things done!"
And I stopped with my toothbrush hanging out of my mouth as the voice of the Holy Spirit (also known as the conscience) asked, in a wry tone: "What is wrong with you?"
"When you have children, is the most important thing really going to be keeping on track with projects?" He continued. "Or reading everything you would like to? And really, are things so different now?"
The Spirit made me turn around and look into the mirror to see my ugly selfishness. This has been a major struggle in the last few months. I became aware of my selfish streak just before graduating college. The last four years have been a veritable "me" frenzy; students are naturally disposed to focus on their studies, life decisions, etc. You have to be focused on yourself to a certain extent in order to do well in class. Otherwise you'd be running off to the slums of a major city to help the poor (as Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati did). Maybe that's the better option. For those of us who stick it out, it's a great 4+ year experience that can teach you very bad habits.
God wanted this year to be about me giving of myself in order to understand love - real love. The self-sacrificial love that is necessary in the care of children and honestly deserved by all adults. Somehow I had forgotten about that in the summer months. Being desperately unemployed probably didn't help. Somehow I slipped back into my ugly habits. I wasn't interested in how other people were doing, but desired to be filled and loved by them. I wasn't volunteering my time to help people out, but doing it to boost my resume. I wasn't engaging with the children I cared for and taught, but studying how it made me feel, whether I was called to be a teacher or a mother or whatever. In this whole vocational not-quite-crisis, I had forgotten one of the biggest Vocational requirements of all.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
I was showing way more love to myself than my neighbors. Even my dearest friends were being robbed of the love they deserve from me. On that night, with the toothpaste still in my mouth, I sat down on the toilet seat and observed that I wouldn't much like being my friend right now. Because no matter what we do in life - sister, priest, mother, father - we are to put others first, as Christ showed us on the cross. There is no excuse. We must, if we are to call ourselves Christians. Not just put others first when it's convenient, but all the time. Especially when it's not convenient. My personal goals and aspirations are nothing in the end; when I stand before the Trinity and am laid bare at the end of time, I won't be worrying about not finishing a beanbag nativity set or not reading Augustine's Confessions. I'll be thinking back on all the times in my life when I failed to show love to another soul.
This prayer has done more for me than any other, particularly when I'm struggling with selfishness and pride. If you pray it on a regular basis, I promise you will be changed.
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…
Amen.
And I stopped with my toothbrush hanging out of my mouth as the voice of the Holy Spirit (also known as the conscience) asked, in a wry tone: "What is wrong with you?"
"When you have children, is the most important thing really going to be keeping on track with projects?" He continued. "Or reading everything you would like to? And really, are things so different now?"
The Spirit made me turn around and look into the mirror to see my ugly selfishness. This has been a major struggle in the last few months. I became aware of my selfish streak just before graduating college. The last four years have been a veritable "me" frenzy; students are naturally disposed to focus on their studies, life decisions, etc. You have to be focused on yourself to a certain extent in order to do well in class. Otherwise you'd be running off to the slums of a major city to help the poor (as Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati did). Maybe that's the better option. For those of us who stick it out, it's a great 4+ year experience that can teach you very bad habits.
God wanted this year to be about me giving of myself in order to understand love - real love. The self-sacrificial love that is necessary in the care of children and honestly deserved by all adults. Somehow I had forgotten about that in the summer months. Being desperately unemployed probably didn't help. Somehow I slipped back into my ugly habits. I wasn't interested in how other people were doing, but desired to be filled and loved by them. I wasn't volunteering my time to help people out, but doing it to boost my resume. I wasn't engaging with the children I cared for and taught, but studying how it made me feel, whether I was called to be a teacher or a mother or whatever. In this whole vocational not-quite-crisis, I had forgotten one of the biggest Vocational requirements of all.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
I was showing way more love to myself than my neighbors. Even my dearest friends were being robbed of the love they deserve from me. On that night, with the toothpaste still in my mouth, I sat down on the toilet seat and observed that I wouldn't much like being my friend right now. Because no matter what we do in life - sister, priest, mother, father - we are to put others first, as Christ showed us on the cross. There is no excuse. We must, if we are to call ourselves Christians. Not just put others first when it's convenient, but all the time. Especially when it's not convenient. My personal goals and aspirations are nothing in the end; when I stand before the Trinity and am laid bare at the end of time, I won't be worrying about not finishing a beanbag nativity set or not reading Augustine's Confessions. I'll be thinking back on all the times in my life when I failed to show love to another soul.
This prayer has done more for me than any other, particularly when I'm struggling with selfishness and pride. If you pray it on a regular basis, I promise you will be changed.
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...
That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…
Amen.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
7 Quick Takes Saturday
Jen at Conversion Diary has this format for Fridays, but I really like it. It's good when one has lots of different things to write about, but not a whole post worth of any one thing.
#1
This week marked the beginning of my year at St. Ambrose Academy. I'm in two classrooms, both middle school English. There are kids from grades 6-8 in both classes, because they are separated by their math ability (typical, putting math first). What a crazy experience to be back in grade school after all these years! I had a great time observing my two "CT"s and getting the feel for their different teaching styles. One is very regimented, and the other is more prone to let conversation go where it will. I'm not sure which one suits me better; I wrote before about how I have to have things planned out, but I'm usually one to follow my flights of fancy (to an obsessive degree...). A little bit of both, perhaps :-).
#2
I spent the last three days surrounded by lots of middle-aged and elderly ladies wearing capris and tennis shoes, and discussing the benefits of long arm over conventional sewing machines. That's right, I volunteered at Quilt Expo 2009. All in my plot to insert myself into the world of Wisconsin Public Television, which hosted the event. I would have been much more interested if other crafting things were given some attention, but alas, there were no cross-stitch booths to be found. Don't get me wrong, the quilts on exhibition were amazing, and it's a great hobby to have. I just can't sense any desire to do it. I like garment and craft sewing right now. I DID come home with the cutest little bunch of raw wool dyed purple that you ever did see. He's so cuuuuuute. I'll try to felt some wool "rocks" sometime soon.
#3
I got a 3 CD set from the library, Songs from the Street: 35 Years of Music from Sesame Street. And have been listening to it. A lot. In the car. With the windows down. With no children in the backseat. Why do I take such delight in things made for children??? Lots of memories flooding back, and I positively danced (!) when I heard these songs again:
Sing (A Song)
Ladybug's Picnic
Doin' the Pigeon
The Batty Bat
Somebody Come and Play
And especially this little gem:
Sing (A Song)
Ladybug's Picnic
Doin' the Pigeon
The Batty Bat
Somebody Come and Play
And especially this little gem:
#4
That's it! The gaining of weight must stop! I can't fit into any of my pants! (In truth, it's been a long time of cleverly avoiding certain articles of clothing, a few months now) Zumba starts this week, and I'm committed, man. I just ordered a bridesmaids dress that is a size smaller than my waist measurements (which is my normal size), and come hell or high water, I will fit into that dress by the end of December!!!
#5
Which brings me to something I can never get over: priorities. In order to lose weight, I must make exercise and eating right a priority. Both take time out of the day (in order to eat right, one must spend more time with one's food), so I have to weigh it - no pun intended - with all the other things to do in a day, nay, a week. I want to read in order to keep my mind stimulated and learn new things, especially about babies and kids; I want to keep chugging away on sewing projects, which have lain unnoticed for the last two months; I want to start writing more, here and on my own; I want to keep volunteering and helping people out; I want/have to keep earning money; and, oh yeah, it'd be nice to see another sentient being every once in a while. How do people do this without going crazy?!
It's posts like this that, after I write them, I say to myself, "Boo hoo, your life is so hard, you big baby. Pull up the big girl panties and deal."
It's posts like this that, after I write them, I say to myself, "Boo hoo, your life is so hard, you big baby. Pull up the big girl panties and deal."
#6
I just started reading The Long Loneliness by Dorothy Day. It's her autobiography, but she begins with a fantastic discussion of confession:
"Going to confession is hard - hard when you have sins to confess, hard when you haven't, and you rack your brain for even the beginnings of sins against charity, chastity, sins of detraction, sloth or gluttony. You do not want to make too much of your constant imperfections and venial sins, but you want to drag them out to the light of day as the first step in getting rid of them. The just man falls seven times daily."
LOVE IT.
"Going to confession is hard - hard when you have sins to confess, hard when you haven't, and you rack your brain for even the beginnings of sins against charity, chastity, sins of detraction, sloth or gluttony. You do not want to make too much of your constant imperfections and venial sins, but you want to drag them out to the light of day as the first step in getting rid of them. The just man falls seven times daily."
LOVE IT.
#7
Ok, I lied. This last one will actually become a full post soon, because I have more than enough to say when reviewing books and movies. I just finished Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (I wouldn't recommend it, actually), just saw Julie & Julia (go see it!), and just watched the second episode of Glee! (ambivalent). The next post will be a review of all three sips of entertainment. Drinking it all in! That's what a Thirsty Daughter does.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
New Look
Sorry to surprise you. I felt confined by the old one, and needed a more grown-up look. I'm serious about being better about this! Especially now that I don't have homework.
With love,
Katie B.
With love,
Katie B.
Adventures in Babysitting
I feel like I'm going blog-crazy here the last few days. I know it's somewhat out of character for me, but... I just have to rejoice, and have others share in my joy and praise the Lord for His goodness.
It's 11:15am, and both babies are asleep. After quite a horrid day on Monday where I entered a dark place in the realm of childcare, I dare say that I rocked it this morning.
PRAISE JESUS!
I had to come to the realization (and acceptance - huge) that all babies are, in fact, different. Little people, just as unique in their likes, dislikes, and habits as us big people. After watching the darling, independent Rose for a month, I was presented the challenge of Anthony. Same age... WAY different person. He's a cuddler. While Rose can entertain herself for hours, Anthony needs a gentle touch. Which I didn't have on Monday.
Gaining a bit more perspective on his personality helped a lot. I held him more, read some more books, but still spent some quality time with Rose (like putting her down for her nap, the little one curled up against me and the bottle and my heart nearly wept).
Also on my side? Some new movement techniques, thanks to my roommate's research for her own daycare classroom. I put them each on a fleece blanket in turns and pulled them around the hardwood floor. They weren't super excited about it, but they were intrigued. And then we rolled around on top of a ball for a while. The outcome of which was two satisfactorily tired babies who went down for their naps with absolutely no fuss. Amazing.
This is a learning period for me; not just to learn how to take care of babies, but for me to learn what kind of caretaker I am and what I need. I need to plan structured play. I don't do well with waving some toys around for half an hour. I get bored, and I'm scattered. I'm currently keeping track of their schedules (feedings, naps, poops), which is also something that I need. I need to be able to look back on the day with some kind of structure for my memory to work around. Otherwise it all mushes together like the babies' lunch. So God has blessed me with a fantastic morning. I hope I can keep it up until 5pm.
It's 11:15am, and both babies are asleep. After quite a horrid day on Monday where I entered a dark place in the realm of childcare, I dare say that I rocked it this morning.
PRAISE JESUS!
I had to come to the realization (and acceptance - huge) that all babies are, in fact, different. Little people, just as unique in their likes, dislikes, and habits as us big people. After watching the darling, independent Rose for a month, I was presented the challenge of Anthony. Same age... WAY different person. He's a cuddler. While Rose can entertain herself for hours, Anthony needs a gentle touch. Which I didn't have on Monday.
Gaining a bit more perspective on his personality helped a lot. I held him more, read some more books, but still spent some quality time with Rose (like putting her down for her nap, the little one curled up against me and the bottle and my heart nearly wept).
Also on my side? Some new movement techniques, thanks to my roommate's research for her own daycare classroom. I put them each on a fleece blanket in turns and pulled them around the hardwood floor. They weren't super excited about it, but they were intrigued. And then we rolled around on top of a ball for a while. The outcome of which was two satisfactorily tired babies who went down for their naps with absolutely no fuss. Amazing.
This is a learning period for me; not just to learn how to take care of babies, but for me to learn what kind of caretaker I am and what I need. I need to plan structured play. I don't do well with waving some toys around for half an hour. I get bored, and I'm scattered. I'm currently keeping track of their schedules (feedings, naps, poops), which is also something that I need. I need to be able to look back on the day with some kind of structure for my memory to work around. Otherwise it all mushes together like the babies' lunch. So God has blessed me with a fantastic morning. I hope I can keep it up until 5pm.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Back to School Thrifting
Ok, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that I'm trying* to cut expenses because I'll be making next to nothing for pay. I haven't gone on a clothing shopping spree in months due to my tightened purse strings. Well now it's showing in my clothes. Camisoles are stretched out. Pit stains are abundant. Holes are showing up. I can only darn my clothes so many times!
I exaggerate. I have plenty of nice clothes. And it wasn't even with that intention that I drove to Goodwill on my way home. I was looking for some wool sweaters that I could felt (100% wool is hard to find!!!), but then there were so many good things that I got swept away with it all. Here's my haul:
Short sleeve hoodie from Maurice's
White linen-y shirt from New York & Company
Red and white flowered skirt from H&M
Dark blue half-sleeve shirt from Old Navy
Dark blue 100% Italian Merino wool sweater from Banana Republic (felting)
Pink and brown 100% Italian Merino wool sweater from GAP (felting)
Brown and purple 100% lambs' wool sweater from DKNY Jeans (felting)
A CD holder for 42+ CDs
A bright blue mesh basket (for my letters and cards)
The Muppet Movie DVD (for $5!)
Hardcovers of Dr. Seuss's: ABC, The Cat in the Hat, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, Green Eggs and Ham
And the total was under $50. I was pretty stoked. First off, I feel sort of bad for felting such high end sweaters. Nope, I'm over it, they were $4 each. Second, do you know how expensive hardcover children's books are??? VERY! These were a frickin steal! And you can't find The Muppet Movie for that cheap anywhere (except ebay, but I don't mess with that). I'm excited about the new clothing purchases as well. Some more forgiving styles for my *ahem* larger figure (gained by a whole summer of sitting on my keester).
I know where I'm doing my shopping from now on! Go out and thrift!
*and not succeeding
I exaggerate. I have plenty of nice clothes. And it wasn't even with that intention that I drove to Goodwill on my way home. I was looking for some wool sweaters that I could felt (100% wool is hard to find!!!), but then there were so many good things that I got swept away with it all. Here's my haul:
Short sleeve hoodie from Maurice's
White linen-y shirt from New York & Company
Red and white flowered skirt from H&M
Dark blue half-sleeve shirt from Old Navy
Dark blue 100% Italian Merino wool sweater from Banana Republic (felting)
Pink and brown 100% Italian Merino wool sweater from GAP (felting)
Brown and purple 100% lambs' wool sweater from DKNY Jeans (felting)
A CD holder for 42+ CDs
A bright blue mesh basket (for my letters and cards)
The Muppet Movie DVD (for $5!)
Hardcovers of Dr. Seuss's: ABC, The Cat in the Hat, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, Green Eggs and Ham
And the total was under $50. I was pretty stoked. First off, I feel sort of bad for felting such high end sweaters. Nope, I'm over it, they were $4 each. Second, do you know how expensive hardcover children's books are??? VERY! These were a frickin steal! And you can't find The Muppet Movie for that cheap anywhere (except ebay, but I don't mess with that). I'm excited about the new clothing purchases as well. Some more forgiving styles for my *ahem* larger figure (gained by a whole summer of sitting on my keester).
I know where I'm doing my shopping from now on! Go out and thrift!
*and not succeeding
Monday, August 31, 2009
Coupling
While I was babysitting for a friend couple, the wife mentioned, "We saw Ben and his new wife at the wedding this weekend, and I thought, we should have them over for dinner, but then I remembered that they live in LaCrosse."
And this gave me pause. It reminded me that couples do things with other couples. Obviously people keep friends who are single after they get married, but there's a greater emphasis on doing couple-y things. Especially in Christian community, couples outreach is important. And it's just not right to hang out with someone of the opposite sex who is married. But I must admit that it makes me sad. There are some really awesome people I know who are married, and I would love to get to know them better, but hanging out with married couples while you're still single and you don't know them super well is... well, awkward.
So I came to the logical conclusion that one of the perks of getting married is that I will get to hang out with all these awesome couples. And that's like a whole other thing to get excited about, you know, besides the marriage thing itself. So that's what I'm looking forward to in marriage: double dates.
(I still hold that it is very important for young people discerning marriage to be around good married couples. I've absorbed so much just from observing interactions of the people for whom I babysit.)
And this gave me pause. It reminded me that couples do things with other couples. Obviously people keep friends who are single after they get married, but there's a greater emphasis on doing couple-y things. Especially in Christian community, couples outreach is important. And it's just not right to hang out with someone of the opposite sex who is married. But I must admit that it makes me sad. There are some really awesome people I know who are married, and I would love to get to know them better, but hanging out with married couples while you're still single and you don't know them super well is... well, awkward.
So I came to the logical conclusion that one of the perks of getting married is that I will get to hang out with all these awesome couples. And that's like a whole other thing to get excited about, you know, besides the marriage thing itself. So that's what I'm looking forward to in marriage: double dates.
(I still hold that it is very important for young people discerning marriage to be around good married couples. I've absorbed so much just from observing interactions of the people for whom I babysit.)
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
My Obsessive Personality
If you know me well at all, you know that I go through periods of obsession. All manner of entertainment are viable for said obsessive behavior. Video games. Books. TV series. CDs. Blogs. Occaisionally an activity. I have to tell everyone I know (whoever sits still long enough) about the Thing that I can't seem to get out of my head. The Thing haunts me in waking and dreaming. The Thing pushes all other thoughts away in my brain - a thought bully, if you will. But the Thing is always exciting. The Thing makes me squirm in my seat just thinking about It. I return to the Thing as soon as I am able.
I believe that most young people experience this behavior when in love. Very few people feel the same way about Lego Star Wars.
A few Things in past years:
Lego Star Wars
Pushing Daisies
Acting
David Crowder Band
Harry Potter
the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack
In the Heights
Soulemama.com
Harvest Moon
Arranging acapella music
The Phantom Tollbooth
Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog
I can't even remember all the Things I've had during college. More than I could count. I'm sure my best friends could tell you how many there actually were. They hear about them most. The Things usually fade into simply being among my favorite things (general, intentionally not capitalized) in life. Some fade from my attention completely. And yes, I have some right now. Two, in fact.
Mad Men. And Julie & Julia.
I read the book Julie & Julia and enjoyed it. The author has a great gift for comparison and using foul language to optimal humor. I haven't seen the movie yet - waiting until it goes to the budget theater. This was a Thing that I couldn't stop thinking about, for some odd reason. It's already fading, though.
Mad Men is a Thing that I must tell EVERYONE about. It's an amazing television series - one that makes me believe in adult television as an art again (PBS kids shows are always an art). It's about the people who work for an advertising agency in 1960. The characters are... unreal, in a good way. I can't even find words to describe how well the characters are written and portrayed. The individual episodes are crafted so well - the stories are so natural, but they all work towards a common "theme", which is deliciously understandable yet not obvious. Now, I AM behind the times on this Thing. NPR was raving about it last summer. But I don't have cable, so I beg clemency. The third season just started on AMC, but I'm still in the middle of season two. Moving out of the house on Regent Street took me away from the roommate who has access to them (via boyfriend). Season 1 is on its way from Amazon.com, with which I will begin to infect other people. Everyone should be exposed to this Thing.
I believe that most young people experience this behavior when in love. Very few people feel the same way about Lego Star Wars.
A few Things in past years:
Lego Star Wars
Pushing Daisies
Acting
David Crowder Band
Harry Potter
the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack
In the Heights
Soulemama.com
Harvest Moon
Arranging acapella music
The Phantom Tollbooth
Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog
I can't even remember all the Things I've had during college. More than I could count. I'm sure my best friends could tell you how many there actually were. They hear about them most. The Things usually fade into simply being among my favorite things (general, intentionally not capitalized) in life. Some fade from my attention completely. And yes, I have some right now. Two, in fact.
Mad Men. And Julie & Julia.
I read the book Julie & Julia and enjoyed it. The author has a great gift for comparison and using foul language to optimal humor. I haven't seen the movie yet - waiting until it goes to the budget theater. This was a Thing that I couldn't stop thinking about, for some odd reason. It's already fading, though.
Mad Men is a Thing that I must tell EVERYONE about. It's an amazing television series - one that makes me believe in adult television as an art again (PBS kids shows are always an art). It's about the people who work for an advertising agency in 1960. The characters are... unreal, in a good way. I can't even find words to describe how well the characters are written and portrayed. The individual episodes are crafted so well - the stories are so natural, but they all work towards a common "theme", which is deliciously understandable yet not obvious. Now, I AM behind the times on this Thing. NPR was raving about it last summer. But I don't have cable, so I beg clemency. The third season just started on AMC, but I'm still in the middle of season two. Moving out of the house on Regent Street took me away from the roommate who has access to them (via boyfriend). Season 1 is on its way from Amazon.com, with which I will begin to infect other people. Everyone should be exposed to this Thing.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Why I Still Cross-Stitch
I started on a new cross-stitch today! I actually have not finished my last project, a "sampler" of sorts with my favorite poem, but I was only working on a border, and bored out of my mind. So I began this one which I bought at Irish Fest a few years ago. I'n it pretty?!
I know that cross-stitches aren't that useful, and I'm generally a rather utilitarian person. You can really only hang them as wall decoration. But it's an extended project with which to keep busy, especially when watching tv or movies. It's a good exercise in patience. More to the point, I like making cross-stitches for other people, and praying for them as I work. I did it with the cross-stitch for my niece, I'll do it for my nephew, and I'm doing it with this one, which, I just decided, has a very special purpose. But I can't really say what that is yet. :-)
Sunday, July 19, 2009
A Different Kind of Adventure
Keeping this blog has a certain amount of irony for me. Usually people start blogs to report on their adventures; you know, the amazing journeys they undertake during summer or after college. And I know that I started this blog a long time ago, but now I have to reevaluate why I keep it.
I'm not doing anything terribly exciting this upcoming year (I still think in academic years, btw). I have friends going to Japan, China, Rwanda, doing Teach for America, Jesuit Volunteer Corps, getting real jobs in real places that aren't Madison, getting married. I thought for a long time that I would be one of those people and have those opportunities to do crazy awesome things. And for a while after this summer began and God put it on my heart to stay in Madison, I was bitter. Bitter that everyone was having adventures and I wasn't. I'm young, unattached - this is the perfect time to go off on my own. And yet, that's not what's best for me after all.
I know that I don't always want what's right for me; God does. When the decision is not between right and wrong, but a bunch of different rights (as is almost always the case with hard decisions), God knows which path will bring us closer to Him and make us more fully the person He created us to be. I'll take that path any day. It might not always be what I want to do, but I know that God knows best.
So I'm not going abroad, moving across the country, getting married, or even starting a full time job. I'm staying in Madison, living somewhere (still a mystery!), working just enough to pay the bills, volunteering my time away, being around families, and falling more in love with God. It's hard to explain to people how ridiculously excited I am for the coming months. As long as I can pay the bills, I get to live a flexible lifestyle and give of myself more than I ever could with the demands of being a student. Every day will be different. I'll never get bored. And while God is asking for a huge amount of trust, I know that He will never ever let me down.
I'm not doing anything terribly exciting this upcoming year (I still think in academic years, btw). I have friends going to Japan, China, Rwanda, doing Teach for America, Jesuit Volunteer Corps, getting real jobs in real places that aren't Madison, getting married. I thought for a long time that I would be one of those people and have those opportunities to do crazy awesome things. And for a while after this summer began and God put it on my heart to stay in Madison, I was bitter. Bitter that everyone was having adventures and I wasn't. I'm young, unattached - this is the perfect time to go off on my own. And yet, that's not what's best for me after all.
I know that I don't always want what's right for me; God does. When the decision is not between right and wrong, but a bunch of different rights (as is almost always the case with hard decisions), God knows which path will bring us closer to Him and make us more fully the person He created us to be. I'll take that path any day. It might not always be what I want to do, but I know that God knows best.
So I'm not going abroad, moving across the country, getting married, or even starting a full time job. I'm staying in Madison, living somewhere (still a mystery!), working just enough to pay the bills, volunteering my time away, being around families, and falling more in love with God. It's hard to explain to people how ridiculously excited I am for the coming months. As long as I can pay the bills, I get to live a flexible lifestyle and give of myself more than I ever could with the demands of being a student. Every day will be different. I'll never get bored. And while God is asking for a huge amount of trust, I know that He will never ever let me down.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
June in Pictures!!
I'm addicted, absolutely addicted to soulemama.com. She models the kind of home I want to have. Very crafty, making lots of things from scratch. I've had to make peace with the fact that I am simply a domestic person. Home is where I feel comfortable. Whenever I had a break from school, I would stick close to home, either in Eau Claire or Madison. Now, my activities at home aren't always "mom-like" - quite often it involves playing video games - but I've been testing out the truly domestic life this June, thanks to SouleMama and other crafty-mommy blogs I've found through her. So enjoy this peek into my domestic accomplishments!
The beginnings of a stuffed nativity set. Because my sewing abilities are not... quite at the level of my mom's... these may be going to some kids I babysit as playthings. Lots more work to go on these.
Mmmm, fresh baked bread. It's rather squishy in the middle. Good for eating hot, but must leave in the oven longer.
Clothes on the line! Sooooo happy! If it weren't so cold today, they might have actually gotten dry.
Before and after. Voila! Dishes gone! This took at least an hour and a half, mind. I don't do this often.
June reading consisted of eight Tamora Pierce books (Song of the Lioness quartet and Immortals quartet) as well as Praise Habit by David Crowder (the musician). The Creative Family and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies are my newest purchases. The former is by Amanda Soule, which is how I was led to her life-altering blog. The latter has only been read up to the second chapter, but promises to be worth a good ole time. Sorry the picture on the cover is so disgusting. Add to the June reading list Henrik Ibsen's play A Doll's House, which I read this morning.
Not pictured, but highly delicious menu items: steak kabobs, carbonara, tex-mex chicken casserole, marashino pound cake with chocolate frosting, date pinwheels.
So that's June around the house for you! I did a few other things, but honestly, not much. Like I said, I'm just a natural homebody. July holds many more books (Pierce's Protector of the Small quartet among them), adventures in felting (!) and embroidery, repurposing clothing from thrift shops, recipes to use up the food I still have (chicken and mushrooms with creamy sauce, scones, scalloped potatoes, coconut shrimp), and plenty of housecleaning chores. I think I'll take a break tomorrow - I'm exhausted!
The beginnings of a stuffed nativity set. Because my sewing abilities are not... quite at the level of my mom's... these may be going to some kids I babysit as playthings. Lots more work to go on these.
Mmmm, fresh baked bread. It's rather squishy in the middle. Good for eating hot, but must leave in the oven longer.
Clothes on the line! Sooooo happy! If it weren't so cold today, they might have actually gotten dry.
Before and after. Voila! Dishes gone! This took at least an hour and a half, mind. I don't do this often.
June reading consisted of eight Tamora Pierce books (Song of the Lioness quartet and Immortals quartet) as well as Praise Habit by David Crowder (the musician). The Creative Family and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies are my newest purchases. The former is by Amanda Soule, which is how I was led to her life-altering blog. The latter has only been read up to the second chapter, but promises to be worth a good ole time. Sorry the picture on the cover is so disgusting. Add to the June reading list Henrik Ibsen's play A Doll's House, which I read this morning.Not pictured, but highly delicious menu items: steak kabobs, carbonara, tex-mex chicken casserole, marashino pound cake with chocolate frosting, date pinwheels.
So that's June around the house for you! I did a few other things, but honestly, not much. Like I said, I'm just a natural homebody. July holds many more books (Pierce's Protector of the Small quartet among them), adventures in felting (!) and embroidery, repurposing clothing from thrift shops, recipes to use up the food I still have (chicken and mushrooms with creamy sauce, scones, scalloped potatoes, coconut shrimp), and plenty of housecleaning chores. I think I'll take a break tomorrow - I'm exhausted!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Musings of the Unemployed
I'm not exactly sure how it's already the 28th of June. I admit that I'm still unemployed, something that can draw tears on occasion. I had thought that I could have found a nanny job by now. But I'm discovering that this summer is all about God upending everything that I thought should have happened. I thought that I would have found a secure job after college (an economic depression was not on the radar four years ago). I thought that I would have found a man with whom to spend the rest of my life. I naively thought that everything would be perfect for me.
Ah, those were the days.
Well, things aren't perfect, but I am blessed beyond comprehension. God gave me huge amounts of trust when I asked for it (little known facet of a relationship with God: when faith is hard, ask Him to help you out! Everything comes from Him). I am filled with the most peace about my place in life than I have been in months, possibly the last two years. I may not know where I'm living or working come August, but I know in my soul that THIS is where I'm meant to be. In Madison. Letting a little bit of flexibility into my life. God filled me with the desire to stay in Madison and absolute peace about the decision. After months of indecision, and prayer time made up of "please please please tell me where I'll be next!!!", I can sit in front of the tabernacle and just BE with Jesus.
I am so blessed in my friends. I'm learning that 'networking' involves telling lots of people your game plan. Several times in the past few weeks, I have casually mentioned in conversation that I want to work with children's education outside the classroom, especially literacy, and that my career goal is to work for PBS Kids television. Well, I'll be darned if they didn't whip open their phones to call someone they knew in that kind of field. And I thought, what amazing people they are who want nothing more than for me to succeed and want to help me out. So very grateful.
I am so blessed in this time that has been given to me right now. While I'm not working, I have been filling my days with reading, cooking and baking, and crafting. I can't lie. I absolutely love it. I love being at home. Going from project to project, following my desires of what to do and when to do it. Reading for pleasure! (As a side effect, reading young adult fantasy novels has made my dreams MUCH more vivid!) Even chores like doing the dishes becomes relaxing when I don't have homework that needs to be done. It's very therapeutic for me to do dishes and watch the mess vanish. Mom has always said that I was always a few years ahead of my grade in school - when I was in 7th grade, I was ready for high school and when I was a junior in high school, I was ready for college. Now I realize that I was ready to be done with college two years ago. The academic life is not for me, for all that I love learning and am good at school. God made me to feel most comfortable at home. The domestic life. So I'm happy to be here while I have the chance, and excited to see my vocation develop around it.
Thanks be to God. :-D
Ah, those were the days.
Well, things aren't perfect, but I am blessed beyond comprehension. God gave me huge amounts of trust when I asked for it (little known facet of a relationship with God: when faith is hard, ask Him to help you out! Everything comes from Him). I am filled with the most peace about my place in life than I have been in months, possibly the last two years. I may not know where I'm living or working come August, but I know in my soul that THIS is where I'm meant to be. In Madison. Letting a little bit of flexibility into my life. God filled me with the desire to stay in Madison and absolute peace about the decision. After months of indecision, and prayer time made up of "please please please tell me where I'll be next!!!", I can sit in front of the tabernacle and just BE with Jesus.
I am so blessed in my friends. I'm learning that 'networking' involves telling lots of people your game plan. Several times in the past few weeks, I have casually mentioned in conversation that I want to work with children's education outside the classroom, especially literacy, and that my career goal is to work for PBS Kids television. Well, I'll be darned if they didn't whip open their phones to call someone they knew in that kind of field. And I thought, what amazing people they are who want nothing more than for me to succeed and want to help me out. So very grateful.
I am so blessed in this time that has been given to me right now. While I'm not working, I have been filling my days with reading, cooking and baking, and crafting. I can't lie. I absolutely love it. I love being at home. Going from project to project, following my desires of what to do and when to do it. Reading for pleasure! (As a side effect, reading young adult fantasy novels has made my dreams MUCH more vivid!) Even chores like doing the dishes becomes relaxing when I don't have homework that needs to be done. It's very therapeutic for me to do dishes and watch the mess vanish. Mom has always said that I was always a few years ahead of my grade in school - when I was in 7th grade, I was ready for high school and when I was a junior in high school, I was ready for college. Now I realize that I was ready to be done with college two years ago. The academic life is not for me, for all that I love learning and am good at school. God made me to feel most comfortable at home. The domestic life. So I'm happy to be here while I have the chance, and excited to see my vocation develop around it.
Thanks be to God. :-D
Friday, May 22, 2009
"Glee" - my high school years?
The pilot episode of "Glee" aired Wednesday after the American Idol finale. I watched it the next day online, intrigued about a show based on high school show choir. I thought the characters weren't believable, and the story was forced. Why do they have to make it up like singing and dancing makes these kids insanely happy? The spanish teacher who takes over the "glee club" (no one frickin' calls it that anymore) says that his time in show choir was the happiest time of his life. Please. I did show choir in high school because it was fun, yes, but also because I was good at it and it gave me something to belong to. And PLENTY of normal people do it. "Glee" makes it seem like only really big losers like to sing. The pretty girl who can sing is shunned by everyone. Let me tell you, if someone can sing like that in high school (and those kids do NOT have high school voices), she won't be a loser. Though there was a great line from the jock turned singer about everyone being losers in high school. And let's not discuss the we-don't-need-real-practice-we're-just-this-good-all-the-time crap that they show from "practice". It doesn't really succeed in being tongue in cheek, in my opinion. Just fake.
Overall, I didn't think the story was very convincing. HOWEVER. The music was fantastic. There was no orchestral background music throughout the show - everything was in acappella arrangement, which thankfully distracted me from the fake characters. And then there was this number:
This is another show choir that they go see. Ok, so this isn't exactly what our numbers were like, but MAN, is it cool! A great arrangement of Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" (that would almost never be sung for competition), and great choreography. If "Glee" has more of this to offer, I might just stick around. But I do hope they put a little more effort into the story.
Overall, I didn't think the story was very convincing. HOWEVER. The music was fantastic. There was no orchestral background music throughout the show - everything was in acappella arrangement, which thankfully distracted me from the fake characters. And then there was this number:
This is another show choir that they go see. Ok, so this isn't exactly what our numbers were like, but MAN, is it cool! A great arrangement of Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" (that would almost never be sung for competition), and great choreography. If "Glee" has more of this to offer, I might just stick around. But I do hope they put a little more effort into the story.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Post-Graduation
Hey all you in the blogosphere -
I'm finally back on after a trying two months leading up to college graduation. I handed in my thesis on May 17th, graduation day (yay!), but I actually have a few things left to wrap up. Grades must be in this Friday, but none of the things I have to turn in would affect grading. It really doesn't feel like I'm done with this momentous part of my life.
In fact, college graduation feels entirely different from high school graduation. When I graduated from high school, I knew I was headed for UW-Madison in the fall. It was the start of something exciting, and I knew what it was. Now I'm on the edge of a precipice. I don't have a job, the same as half of my graduating class. I don't know what I'll be doing next year; I have NO idea where I'll be living. So it's difficult for me to feel really excited about graduating when I can't see where I'm going. God is teaching me patience and (above all) trust in Him. The amazing part was that I prayed for trust, and He has given it to me. It's a little bit like "blind faith", because I have to trust that God knows which path is the right path for me. He's leading me blindly, which is where the patience comes in; I don't like having unknowns in my life for very long. Yet He takes care of His children, even more than He cares for the lilies of the field, which are clothed splendidly and do not worry about anything. I trust that things are going to work out, but the blank space in front of me doesn't exactly fill me with glee.
That being said, I AM excited for summer and the things that it will bring. I'm volunteering at Wisconsin Public Television's (WPT) live auction next week and the week after. I'm hoping to get my foot in the door there, because I would love to work for public broadcasting. I'm actually very excited about this opportunity; even though I'll really only be doing grunt work, I'll be doing it for an organization that I believe in. I'll also be filling my time at St. Paul's, whether volunteer or paid. There is a lot which needs to be disassembled from the musical this spring, and as long as I've got time, I'll do it. It will involve unscrewing things, and packing stuff in boxes. Again, grunt work, but satisfying. I'm really excited this summer to look after the things in my life I've neglected these last two months, including, but not limited to:
-spending time with friends
-having fun
-sleeping
-eating well
-cooking for myself
-reading for pleasure
Which reminds me, send me any and all of your book recommendations. I've got to compile this summer's reading list.
Until later,
-A college graduate
I'm finally back on after a trying two months leading up to college graduation. I handed in my thesis on May 17th, graduation day (yay!), but I actually have a few things left to wrap up. Grades must be in this Friday, but none of the things I have to turn in would affect grading. It really doesn't feel like I'm done with this momentous part of my life.
In fact, college graduation feels entirely different from high school graduation. When I graduated from high school, I knew I was headed for UW-Madison in the fall. It was the start of something exciting, and I knew what it was. Now I'm on the edge of a precipice. I don't have a job, the same as half of my graduating class. I don't know what I'll be doing next year; I have NO idea where I'll be living. So it's difficult for me to feel really excited about graduating when I can't see where I'm going. God is teaching me patience and (above all) trust in Him. The amazing part was that I prayed for trust, and He has given it to me. It's a little bit like "blind faith", because I have to trust that God knows which path is the right path for me. He's leading me blindly, which is where the patience comes in; I don't like having unknowns in my life for very long. Yet He takes care of His children, even more than He cares for the lilies of the field, which are clothed splendidly and do not worry about anything. I trust that things are going to work out, but the blank space in front of me doesn't exactly fill me with glee.
That being said, I AM excited for summer and the things that it will bring. I'm volunteering at Wisconsin Public Television's (WPT) live auction next week and the week after. I'm hoping to get my foot in the door there, because I would love to work for public broadcasting. I'm actually very excited about this opportunity; even though I'll really only be doing grunt work, I'll be doing it for an organization that I believe in. I'll also be filling my time at St. Paul's, whether volunteer or paid. There is a lot which needs to be disassembled from the musical this spring, and as long as I've got time, I'll do it. It will involve unscrewing things, and packing stuff in boxes. Again, grunt work, but satisfying. I'm really excited this summer to look after the things in my life I've neglected these last two months, including, but not limited to:
-spending time with friends
-having fun
-sleeping
-eating well
-cooking for myself
-reading for pleasure
Which reminds me, send me any and all of your book recommendations. I've got to compile this summer's reading list.
Until later,
-A college graduate
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Lin-Manuel Miranda - One of my new favorite people
The musical In the Heights came to my attention a few months ago, and I absolutely love it. It won the Tony award for Best New Musical in 2008. It was written by the main man of this post: Lin-Manuel Miranda. The music is a scintillating mix of melody and spoken word - some would call it rap. For a taste of the sound. Lin-Manuel is the one rapping at the beginning, in the cap.
I was already a huge fan of Lin-Manuel for this reason. Then I heard that he was the translator for the new revival of West Side Story . Why would they need a translator, you ask? Because almost all of the dialogue between the Puerto Ricans is now Spanish. What's more, some of the songs have been rewritten with Spanish lyrics - most notably "I Feel Pretty" ("Siento Hermosa") and "A Boy Like That". There are no subtitles - I think it would cheapen the adaptation if there were. The show has also been reworked so that the gangs are more real and frightening, the Jets and Sharks share blame for all wrongs, and the story is more about Tony and Maria and their love. I would love to see this revival; simply one of the best ideas I've heard in awhile. For the New York Times article describing the new show.
And then Lin-Manuel popped up in the most unexpected place this week: PBS Children's Television. "The Electric Company" was plugged in once again in January of this year, reviving a long-running show in the 70s. Every Friday at 5pm, a new show is aired, but they can all be seen here. This reincarnation stars four teenagers who have the power to create words and letters on every surface, but is similar to Sesame Street (and the original) in cut scenes, vignettes, and short animations featuring wordplay. There I was, working on my computer and watching tv, when I heard a familiar voice - Lin-Manuel was singing about silent 'e' being the ninja of the English language! Turns out that one of his closest buddies is starring as the show's beatboxer, and he himself is writing much of the music. The show is filled with spoken word! It's more entertaining to watch than you might imagine. It's colorful, it's teaching how to play with language, and as an English linguistics major, I find this fascinating. When you teach kids to go from "slid" to "slide" or "sop" to "shop", you're teaching them minimal pairs in phonology. And to invite kids in with beatboxing, spoken word, and urban sensibilities - I'm really excited about this show, to say the least. And I can't wait to see what else Lin-Manuel Miranda pulls out next in his already amazing career.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
One Door Closed... it's ok, it smelled funny in there anyway
For the sake of my parents' peace of mind when it comes to the next year of my life, I applied for graduate school at the Graduate School of Library and Information Science at the University of Illinois @ Urbana-Champaign back in January. It was really last minute. I had to rush to get letters of recommendation, an interview for an essay, and the standard application needs. I'm pretty proud that I was able to get everything together in a week.
Well this morning, I received an e-mail saying... that I was regretfully denied. I'm not very disappointed. My true desire for the coming school year is to be accepted to JET to teach English in Japan, or (Plan B) do a year of service with a religious organization. I got the sense when I visited the U of I in January that it wasn't the right place for me next year. I think I still want to go to grad school for Library Science, but... honestly, I'm so tired of school right now. The last thing I want to do is go back in the fall for more of the same. I want to be out in the world, making it a better place and all that.
You don't have to tell me the "when God closes a door... blah blah blah" schpeal. God closed that door in my heart awhile ago. It's officially closed now - closed and deadbolted - so I can move on to the things I feel more strongly about.
And stop worrying, I'll let everyone know in a few weeks whether I'll be going to Japan next year or not.
...But please pray for me. Thanks :-).
Well this morning, I received an e-mail saying... that I was regretfully denied. I'm not very disappointed. My true desire for the coming school year is to be accepted to JET to teach English in Japan, or (Plan B) do a year of service with a religious organization. I got the sense when I visited the U of I in January that it wasn't the right place for me next year. I think I still want to go to grad school for Library Science, but... honestly, I'm so tired of school right now. The last thing I want to do is go back in the fall for more of the same. I want to be out in the world, making it a better place and all that.
You don't have to tell me the "when God closes a door... blah blah blah" schpeal. God closed that door in my heart awhile ago. It's officially closed now - closed and deadbolted - so I can move on to the things I feel more strongly about.
And stop worrying, I'll let everyone know in a few weeks whether I'll be going to Japan next year or not.
...But please pray for me. Thanks :-).
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Bacon Goes with Everything
Eating vegetarian isn't that difficult when you only cook for yourself. I'm trying my hardest to eat lots of vegetables, instead of just relying on grains and dairy. I haven't quite ventured into the land of beans yet, but oh, do I plan to.
On last week's menu:
Baked Mac 'n' Cheese with Carmelized Onions
Homemade Fried Rice
The rice didn't exactly turn out, because I don't own a wok. The pasta was DE.licious. Definitely going to make that again. But through it all, I can't help thinking:
"This would taste great with bacon."
Lent's about sacrifices. And giving up meat isn't a sacrifice unless the temptation is there.
Easter Sunday will be EPIC, my friends.
On last week's menu:
Baked Mac 'n' Cheese with Carmelized Onions
Homemade Fried Rice
The rice didn't exactly turn out, because I don't own a wok. The pasta was DE.licious. Definitely going to make that again. But through it all, I can't help thinking:
"This would taste great with bacon."
Lent's about sacrifices. And giving up meat isn't a sacrifice unless the temptation is there.
Easter Sunday will be EPIC, my friends.
Monday, March 2, 2009
It's That Time of Year Again... LENT!
Hey all,
So it's been a looooong time since I last posted. It was coming up on the end of February, and I couldn't bring myself to have one lonely post for the entire month. But now it's March (aaaaaahhhhh so much closer to graduation!). Spring better be on its way. For real.
Last Wednesday was the beginning of Lent - 40 some-odd days (it's never an even 40) before Easter when we celebrate the resurrection of Christ from the dead. It's a time to focus on God, to clear our lives in a kind of spring cleaning for the soul. We make sacrifices in our daily lives so that we can taste a fraction of Christ's suffering before His death. I try to make it a practice to give up something dietary and something more soul-pertaining, and adding more prayer. This year, it's manifesting itself in the giving up of meat for all 40+ days, as well as giving up listening to music in an attempt to better understand silence. I had resolved very early in the school year that I would give up meat this Lent, because I felt that it was within my means to do so. I felt ready. I'm only a few days into it, but it is not easy. Literally, everything that I was craving on Ash Wednesday was once part of an animal. The absence of music has also been difficult. I've allowed myself to "celebrate" on Sundays (not included in Lent, because they are feast days). The most difficult part of this is being in my car, particularly when I will drive home in two weeks. I'll say a rosary, pray in other ways, talk to God, relearn how to be still. On the flip side, I'm adding one-on-one meetings with a few people who have been on my mind and heart, and going to mass on Saturdays, because I feel like my prayer life also takes a vacation on Saturdays when I'm not around a church. Lent is a time of sorrow, yes, but it's also a time of preparing for the joy of the resurrected Christ. Never forget that the story of faith doesn't end with the crucifixion - there's a happy ending.
So it's been a looooong time since I last posted. It was coming up on the end of February, and I couldn't bring myself to have one lonely post for the entire month. But now it's March (aaaaaahhhhh so much closer to graduation!). Spring better be on its way. For real.
Last Wednesday was the beginning of Lent - 40 some-odd days (it's never an even 40) before Easter when we celebrate the resurrection of Christ from the dead. It's a time to focus on God, to clear our lives in a kind of spring cleaning for the soul. We make sacrifices in our daily lives so that we can taste a fraction of Christ's suffering before His death. I try to make it a practice to give up something dietary and something more soul-pertaining, and adding more prayer. This year, it's manifesting itself in the giving up of meat for all 40+ days, as well as giving up listening to music in an attempt to better understand silence. I had resolved very early in the school year that I would give up meat this Lent, because I felt that it was within my means to do so. I felt ready. I'm only a few days into it, but it is not easy. Literally, everything that I was craving on Ash Wednesday was once part of an animal. The absence of music has also been difficult. I've allowed myself to "celebrate" on Sundays (not included in Lent, because they are feast days). The most difficult part of this is being in my car, particularly when I will drive home in two weeks. I'll say a rosary, pray in other ways, talk to God, relearn how to be still. On the flip side, I'm adding one-on-one meetings with a few people who have been on my mind and heart, and going to mass on Saturdays, because I feel like my prayer life also takes a vacation on Saturdays when I'm not around a church. Lent is a time of sorrow, yes, but it's also a time of preparing for the joy of the resurrected Christ. Never forget that the story of faith doesn't end with the crucifixion - there's a happy ending.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Thoughts on Twilight
I did and did not enjoy reading the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. There were times when I couldn't put the books down, and times when I had to force myself to continue reading. Yet, strangely, as if through hindsight, everything came together upon finishing the last, Breaking Dawn. Everything seemed in its place. I'm only going to address the first book in the series, because I have friends who are on all stages of finishing, and I don't want to spoil things that were spoiled for me.
First, I'd like to address why the books are so wildly popular with young adult women. Then I'll go on to pick at the things like the good English major I've been raised to be.
Why It Succeeds:
Edward pursues Bella. Like nobody's business. Once he has come to the conclusion that he is so attracted to her that he cannot live without her, he makes sure that he's around her as much as possible. She intoxicates him. It almost comes close to worship, which I'm not ok with. Still, Edward watches out for Bella. He's always there when she needs him. He would easily die so that she may live. Girls don't get this from guys anymore (or have they ever?). Please don't misread me: I don't think guys should worship girls, or be at their beck and call at all times. Far from it. That would be an unbalanced relationship (which I will address in the next section). But girls want and like to be pursued. They love to know that there is someone in this world who has them as their first priority. In this sense, Edward is the perfect man. No wonder girls everywhere go weak at his name (insert eye-roll from me). Stephanie Meyer is setting a very high standard for men everywhere, but I say that it's about damn time. Men everywhere are not being shown how to strive for the full meaning of masculinity, a part of which is to treat women - no, every human! - with the dignity and respect they deserve. In my experience, this is the difference between a guy and a man. Even if that man is 18, 14, or 7 years old. He is more of a man than most 20-somethings. To those men, I say thank you.
The other reason I think young girls find comfort and solace in these books is that they find their own worth as Bella is convinced of hers. Bella doesn't exactly have great self-esteem at the beginning of the series: she's very klutzy, she does not find herself pretty, she's used to being an observer in the corner. She's also frustratingly stubborn on holding to these beliefs, though Edward and others try over and over to tell her otherwise. She doesn't think she deserves anything Edward does for her, or even Edward himself (god-like vampire that he is). What Bella has to believe again and again is that she is worth it. That she is beautiful, that a man can love her, that she is not defective in any way. And believe you me, girls NEED TO HEAR THIS. Self-doubt, self-pity, and low self-esteem run rampant through the minds and hearts of girls of all ages, particularly teenage girls. So when teenage girls find a book that makes them believe in their own worth again, of course they will embrace it as their own.
As for moral values and ethics, I trusted the fact that Stephanie Meyer does not hide her religion (Mormon) and the moral implications that she has written into the books. Edward is staunchly against having sex. In fact, I found this trait of his character refreshing: he controls himself. He controls his desires. He's the one to stop before they go too far. What a crazy thought - we are in control of our passions. Let me tell you, even if I weren't a devout Catholic, I would believe this. It's truth. We should be the ones in control, not our desires. If you answer to them, then you are a slave. Edward does it because he doesn't want to physically hurt Bella (he's super strong), but that also means that he puts his love for Bella above the satisfaction of his desires. He's old-fashioned. This world could do with a bit of old-fashioned.
Combined, the relationship between Edward and Bella can be described as old-fashioned guy meets modern-society girl, where the old-fashioned guy has it correct. It's a refreshing twist on the old chivalric love story.
Why I Pray That They Will Not Be Read In My Children's English Classrooms
It IS a refreshing twist on the old chivalric love story. Which, I think, is why I can believe in their love despite their age. Sure, the story can be compared with some of the greats in terms of the loves - Stephanie Meyer does it herself with Romeo and Juliet, and Cathy and Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights... still need to read that one...). But I shudder when the books are compared thus. The writing is nowhere near what it takes to make a book a classic. Twilight, as her first book, was very difficult for me to read, because she used keywords like "alluring" and "irrevocably" and "smoldering" far, far too often. Her writing develops over the four books, so that I liked the fourth the best. This is simply evidence of the fact that she has not been a struggling writer. She had a dream one night, and wanted to know more about these characters in her dream, so she set out to write a book. Though it's not a good thing that many authors struggle for years to get published, those failures almost always make them better writers. The mere practice of writing makes you a better writer. Stephanie Meyer didn't have any of that, so her writing style is simplistic (not a bad thing) and still changing as she shot to author-stardom. She's compared to J.K. Rowling often, but I don't think she has the wit and charm of Rowling, and definitely less imagination (ex: don't tell me you can read the last half of Breaking Dawn without thinking X-Men). The characters are flat, and the only development they receive is in jumps, like Edward realizing he can't be Bella's jailer. The dialogue isn't bad, but there's little real communication. I wanted to scream at Bella, "WHY DON'T YOU TELL HIM THAT? HE'D UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER!!!" many times. Real people, especially healthy couples, talk to each other much more often than Stephanie Meyer would have you believe. What do Edward and Bella even have in common? But it is a modern fairy tale of sorts, so I shouldn't probe at the reality of their day to day lives.
Although the love between Edward and Bella has a lot of good things to say to both men and women, I am also worried about some of the repercussions of the way it's written. There may not be any illicit sex, but there is PLENTY of kissing, touching, cuddling, necking, etc. Very sensual. I sometimes felt guilty for reading the stuff. I worry that teenagers will come to believe that this is an acceptable behavior in a young relationship. Edward had great resolve to stop things going further, but I doubt teenagers will be able to do the same. Especially, let me clarify: you cannot sleep side by side in a bed without something happening. That doesn't even bother me compared to the fact that, overall, I think Edward and Bella's relationship is unstable. Many times, Bella's love (it's told from her perspective, so I can't speak for Edward) is selfish rather than self-giving. Yeah, she'll die for him at least once a book, but she wants him to herself, she wants him to be ok with her more-than-friendship with another guy, she wants him to give in physically. That's not the model of love I know. Something happens in the fourth book that drastically changes Bella's character - she becomes more selfless than selfish, and I finally liked her. She finds more to live for than just herself and her desires. When two people are living for each other, it can become a dangerously off-balance relationship. Think about it: if character 1 makes character 2 the center of their life (picture 1 revolving around 2), and character 2 makes character 1 the center of their life (2 in turn revolves around 1), they create an ellipse in which there is no definitive center. They could spin out of control anytime. If God is the center of a relationship, both 1 and 2 revolve around God in stability. Edward and Bella's love gives what I believe is the complete wrong impression of what a good relationship should be. And I fear that this aspect of a deeper message is what teenagers will take away from these books.
I'd probably let my children read them if they wanted, but there would certainly be discussion of the delicate process of literary discernment - what to take and what to forget. That's nothing new. It's what every smart reader must do. I guess, in the end, we have to decide if the truth and the beauty in the book is worth the other stuff. My jury is still out on Twilight, but don't hold your breath. I think it'll always be in limbo for me.
First, I'd like to address why the books are so wildly popular with young adult women. Then I'll go on to pick at the things like the good English major I've been raised to be.
Why It Succeeds:
Edward pursues Bella. Like nobody's business. Once he has come to the conclusion that he is so attracted to her that he cannot live without her, he makes sure that he's around her as much as possible. She intoxicates him. It almost comes close to worship, which I'm not ok with. Still, Edward watches out for Bella. He's always there when she needs him. He would easily die so that she may live. Girls don't get this from guys anymore (or have they ever?). Please don't misread me: I don't think guys should worship girls, or be at their beck and call at all times. Far from it. That would be an unbalanced relationship (which I will address in the next section). But girls want and like to be pursued. They love to know that there is someone in this world who has them as their first priority. In this sense, Edward is the perfect man. No wonder girls everywhere go weak at his name (insert eye-roll from me). Stephanie Meyer is setting a very high standard for men everywhere, but I say that it's about damn time. Men everywhere are not being shown how to strive for the full meaning of masculinity, a part of which is to treat women - no, every human! - with the dignity and respect they deserve. In my experience, this is the difference between a guy and a man. Even if that man is 18, 14, or 7 years old. He is more of a man than most 20-somethings. To those men, I say thank you.
The other reason I think young girls find comfort and solace in these books is that they find their own worth as Bella is convinced of hers. Bella doesn't exactly have great self-esteem at the beginning of the series: she's very klutzy, she does not find herself pretty, she's used to being an observer in the corner. She's also frustratingly stubborn on holding to these beliefs, though Edward and others try over and over to tell her otherwise. She doesn't think she deserves anything Edward does for her, or even Edward himself (god-like vampire that he is). What Bella has to believe again and again is that she is worth it. That she is beautiful, that a man can love her, that she is not defective in any way. And believe you me, girls NEED TO HEAR THIS. Self-doubt, self-pity, and low self-esteem run rampant through the minds and hearts of girls of all ages, particularly teenage girls. So when teenage girls find a book that makes them believe in their own worth again, of course they will embrace it as their own.
As for moral values and ethics, I trusted the fact that Stephanie Meyer does not hide her religion (Mormon) and the moral implications that she has written into the books. Edward is staunchly against having sex. In fact, I found this trait of his character refreshing: he controls himself. He controls his desires. He's the one to stop before they go too far. What a crazy thought - we are in control of our passions. Let me tell you, even if I weren't a devout Catholic, I would believe this. It's truth. We should be the ones in control, not our desires. If you answer to them, then you are a slave. Edward does it because he doesn't want to physically hurt Bella (he's super strong), but that also means that he puts his love for Bella above the satisfaction of his desires. He's old-fashioned. This world could do with a bit of old-fashioned.
Combined, the relationship between Edward and Bella can be described as old-fashioned guy meets modern-society girl, where the old-fashioned guy has it correct. It's a refreshing twist on the old chivalric love story.
Why I Pray That They Will Not Be Read In My Children's English Classrooms
It IS a refreshing twist on the old chivalric love story. Which, I think, is why I can believe in their love despite their age. Sure, the story can be compared with some of the greats in terms of the loves - Stephanie Meyer does it herself with Romeo and Juliet, and Cathy and Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights... still need to read that one...). But I shudder when the books are compared thus. The writing is nowhere near what it takes to make a book a classic. Twilight, as her first book, was very difficult for me to read, because she used keywords like "alluring" and "irrevocably" and "smoldering" far, far too often. Her writing develops over the four books, so that I liked the fourth the best. This is simply evidence of the fact that she has not been a struggling writer. She had a dream one night, and wanted to know more about these characters in her dream, so she set out to write a book. Though it's not a good thing that many authors struggle for years to get published, those failures almost always make them better writers. The mere practice of writing makes you a better writer. Stephanie Meyer didn't have any of that, so her writing style is simplistic (not a bad thing) and still changing as she shot to author-stardom. She's compared to J.K. Rowling often, but I don't think she has the wit and charm of Rowling, and definitely less imagination (ex: don't tell me you can read the last half of Breaking Dawn without thinking X-Men). The characters are flat, and the only development they receive is in jumps, like Edward realizing he can't be Bella's jailer. The dialogue isn't bad, but there's little real communication. I wanted to scream at Bella, "WHY DON'T YOU TELL HIM THAT? HE'D UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER!!!" many times. Real people, especially healthy couples, talk to each other much more often than Stephanie Meyer would have you believe. What do Edward and Bella even have in common? But it is a modern fairy tale of sorts, so I shouldn't probe at the reality of their day to day lives.
Although the love between Edward and Bella has a lot of good things to say to both men and women, I am also worried about some of the repercussions of the way it's written. There may not be any illicit sex, but there is PLENTY of kissing, touching, cuddling, necking, etc. Very sensual. I sometimes felt guilty for reading the stuff. I worry that teenagers will come to believe that this is an acceptable behavior in a young relationship. Edward had great resolve to stop things going further, but I doubt teenagers will be able to do the same. Especially, let me clarify: you cannot sleep side by side in a bed without something happening. That doesn't even bother me compared to the fact that, overall, I think Edward and Bella's relationship is unstable. Many times, Bella's love (it's told from her perspective, so I can't speak for Edward) is selfish rather than self-giving. Yeah, she'll die for him at least once a book, but she wants him to herself, she wants him to be ok with her more-than-friendship with another guy, she wants him to give in physically. That's not the model of love I know. Something happens in the fourth book that drastically changes Bella's character - she becomes more selfless than selfish, and I finally liked her. She finds more to live for than just herself and her desires. When two people are living for each other, it can become a dangerously off-balance relationship. Think about it: if character 1 makes character 2 the center of their life (picture 1 revolving around 2), and character 2 makes character 1 the center of their life (2 in turn revolves around 1), they create an ellipse in which there is no definitive center. They could spin out of control anytime. If God is the center of a relationship, both 1 and 2 revolve around God in stability. Edward and Bella's love gives what I believe is the complete wrong impression of what a good relationship should be. And I fear that this aspect of a deeper message is what teenagers will take away from these books.
I'd probably let my children read them if they wanted, but there would certainly be discussion of the delicate process of literary discernment - what to take and what to forget. That's nothing new. It's what every smart reader must do. I guess, in the end, we have to decide if the truth and the beauty in the book is worth the other stuff. My jury is still out on Twilight, but don't hold your breath. I think it'll always be in limbo for me.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Divine '09
I realize this sounds trite already, but I can't believe it's 2009. It may not be a remarkable year in the numeric sense, or even the aesthetic sense. It's just always been a year far in the future. Was it five years ago that Jay Leno announced that Conan O'Brian would take over for him on The Tonight Show in 2009? Four, five, or six years it must have been. It always seemed like such a long time for us Conan fans to await his promotion to 10:30pm! (11:30pm for those on the east coast - you poor people, having to stay up so late.) And now the time has come. Of course, NBC is afraid to lose such a high profile person as Leno, so they're shifting him to 9pm instead, the cowards. And I'm usually not in front of a TV during the semester, so I'll have to make an effort to see his first few shows... to see whether they crush his soul or not. That's neither here nor there.
The Tonight Show changing-of-the-guard isn't the only remarkable thing awaiting for me in 2009. For three and a half years, I have been a member of the Class of 2009. I still am. I've seen it on my facebook profile page. I'm used to it. But now it's here. It somehow did not hit me in the last few months that my college years would soon be at an end, but now it's going to scream at me every time I write the date. My mild meltdown has finally found me. I'm graduating in five months. Unreal.
The Tonight Show changing-of-the-guard isn't the only remarkable thing awaiting for me in 2009. For three and a half years, I have been a member of the Class of 2009. I still am. I've seen it on my facebook profile page. I'm used to it. But now it's here. It somehow did not hit me in the last few months that my college years would soon be at an end, but now it's going to scream at me every time I write the date. My mild meltdown has finally found me. I'm graduating in five months. Unreal.
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